A Time for Us - By Amy Knupp Page 0,69
complex.
Knowing the difference in Noelle’s mindset that night didn’t change a thing. Not in what had happened. Not in the loss he still felt. The only thing that changed was his understanding of Rachel.
Now he grasped it better, comprehended her on a different, deeper level. After learning the nature of their argument, he could understand—not agree with, by any means, but understand—how Rachel might feel such guilt. How she could convince herself she was responsible for her sister’s death.
“I’m so weak,” she said in a quiet, high-pitched voice. “I take full responsibility for what happened last night.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said roughly.
“I...started everything.”
“I was right there for it to start,” he said, remembering how he’d had to hold himself back from touching her. “Right there. And I continued it.”
“I took my clothes off.”
Just the memory made his pulse pick up inappropriately. “Rachel, there’s no point in throwing around blame. We’re attracted to each other. Things got out of hand.”
“You’re attracted to her, Cale, not me.”
He sprung off the couch at that. “Oh, hell no, Rachel. We need to get one thing straight. Noelle was not there with us yesterday. I didn’t mistake you for her. I wasn’t imagining her. I wasn’t even thinking about her.”
She met his eyes defiantly, accusingly.
“No,” he said again emphatically. “You can accuse me of a lot of things, but not that. It was you and me yesterday, Rachel. I don’t want you to ever think otherwise.”
Rachel averted her gaze. He went back to her side and sat, not about to let that one drop. “Are we clear?” he asked.
She blew out a breath. “If you say so.” She didn’t act altogether convinced, but Cale didn’t know what else he could say to make her believe him.
“The rest of the world may see you two as identical but I never have. Not since the party when I met you both. Sure, you look damn similar on the surface, but you and Noelle...” He shook his head. “You’ve always been different to me. I could never look at either of you and not see your personalities coming through.”
Rachel seemed to take that in, and after a while, she nodded once. Only a half nod, but he’d take it for now.
“You’re not weak,” he said, settling back into the cushions. “It must’ve been hard to live with Noelle at times. To watch her go out all the time, whether it was with the guy you liked or not.”
She studied him as if assessing his sincerity on such a personal subject. “Yeah,” she finally said. “Sometimes it was. Sometimes I convinced myself it was a more noble pursuit to get straight A’s, to get into a good college. I don’t know. It was easier that way. Easier to try to ignore it. Some people would call it being a doormat.”
“I’ve never thought of you as a doormat.”
Quite the opposite, in fact. She could be as stubborn and assertive as anyone when she needed to be. You didn’t become an emergency-medicine doctor without having some cojones.
“Her social life was so much of who she was,” Rachel said. “It somehow seemed more important to her. So...” She shrugged. “To keep the peace, I didn’t make a big deal out of it.”
She’d turned a blind eye to Noelle “winning the guy” to keep peace, yes, but also out of love. He’d seen firsthand the sisters’ bond, directly and indirectly, and this was just further proof of that.
“When I was in high school, a Podunk rural school in Hill Country, my best friend at the time, Pete Loggins, knew I had a thing for Lexie Montague,” Cale said. “Junior year, Lexie and Pete got assigned as lab partners in science. Before I knew what was going on, he moved in on her. Asked her out. They dated for half of junior year.”
“And? What happened?”
“I haven’t spoken to Pete since.”
“It’s different when it’s your sister.”
“It’s different when you’re a better person, as you are.”
“Don’t say that. Please.” Her voice sounded pained. “A better person might have called her on it every time she did it. Then it wouldn’t have blindsided her that night. Wouldn’t have made her run away...”
He put his arm around her and drew her into his side again. “Shh. Rachel, you have to stop. Do you really think Noelle, who loved you just as much as you loved her, would want you to sit here blaming yourself? Imagine if you switched places. Would you want her to shoulder all this guilt?”
Rachel