A Time for Us - By Amy Knupp Page 0,39
all high-and-mighty because you’ve got such tight control on everything,” he continued, well aware this wasn’t the time, but not giving half a shit. “But when you get down to it, one of these days, you’re going to lose it completely. One of these days, you won’t be able to hold it off anymore.”
Cale waited for her to react. To yell at him. Cry. Something. She was frozen for so long he was finally forced to look at her. Sure enough, she held on to her composure with every fiber of her being. The muscle in one of her cheeks twitched, and she blinked rapidly several times as if fighting tears. But she kept her control.
He wanted her to blow. To give him a fight. A reason to blow off some more steam. “I don’t know why you think you’re above breaking down.”
She continued to stare at him, mostly statue-still except for the involuntary twitches, but there was so much emotion in her eyes. So much hurt. He wouldn’t forget that expression anytime soon. He knew he was being a monster, and yet he couldn’t rein himself in.
“Are you done?” she finally asked so quietly he could barely hear her. “Because I am. I’m done. I’m out of here.”
He tried to make himself say something. To apologize. Stop her somehow so he could eat the awful things he’d just said to her. His mouth opened but he couldn’t form the words.
When the door shut behind her, quietly—she was fully under control and so opposite of the way he was acting—he swore to himself. Remorse washed over him. Damn near suffocated him.
He was such an asshole.
As the maelstrom drained out of him along with every ounce of energy, he gazed at the ceiling and let his heart rate gradually return to normal.
He stood there staring at the physical damage he’d done before today, shame filtering in again at his loss of control. Embarrassing. Both his destruction and the way he’d treated Rachel. It was as though he’d had to prove to himself that asking her here had been a dumb idea.
She hadn’t deserved any of that. She was the last person on earth who deserved to be the target of his grief or anger or whatever this ugliness was that seemed to grip him whenever he faced this place.
He had to go after her.
The condo, though a mess, was fixable, but he was afraid the harm he’d done to Noelle’s sister, to their tentative friendship or whatever it was they’d managed to forge since she’d been back... Yeah. That was going to take some serious damage control on his part.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
FOR THE FIRST time ever, the water of the bay was failing her.
Rachel was closer to the mainland shore than the island when she realized how hard she was struggling to clear her mind. That she’d covered so much area in such a short time—and the fatigue she felt in her shoulders already—said it all. She was paddling like a possessed woman, and her brain was attacking what had happened at Cale’s condo the same way her paddle was attacking the water. The whole reason she loved to go kayaking was because she didn’t have to struggle, mentally or otherwise. It was supposed to relax her. That her main retreat was threatened by...who knew what disconcerted her.
Oh, hell. She knew what. The stuff Cale had said to her had been cruel and totally unsettling.
It took a lot of nerve to go spouting accusations at her when he was so clearly messed up. Beating on the wall with a hammer? Slamming tools around? Really? Those were not signs of healthy grieving in her admittedly limited experience.
Yes, she did keep a tight rein on her feelings. About everything. It wasn’t just Noelle. Wasn’t just sadness. That was the kind of person she was. Just because she didn’t show something on the outside didn’t mean she wasn’t feeling things on the inside. Why didn’t people get that? Of course she was dealing with her sadness over her twin sister’s death. It was devastating. The absolute worst thing she’d ever gone through in her life. As hard as it had been when her dad had died after suffering an aneurysm when she and Noelle were eight, this was even worse. Noelle had been her other half. But she wasn’t about to go around acting pathetic and begging for sympathy. She had her ways of handling her emotions, and it just so happened that none of