A Time for Us - By Amy Knupp Page 0,31

maelstrom inside him as his heart rate gradually slowed.

How in the name of God could he kiss his fiancée’s twin sister? What the hell was wrong with him?

* * *

RACHEL KNEW THE CHANCES of Buck being at the boathouse at 11:32 p.m. were next to nothing, but she drove there anyway. If she could only get out on the bay, paddle all the way to the middle, where nothing could get at her, no thoughts, no guilt, no humiliation...

The gravel lot was deserted as expected, but she pulled in and parked right next to the dark, closed-up boathouse, stubbornly ignoring reality. She only vaguely felt like a criminal when she rattled the door against its padlock to make sure it was indeed locked. She knocked. Just in case...

There was, of course, no reply. There was no sound whatsoever. Barring her disappointment, the silence of the area in general was a welcome respite after the nonstop hammering of the waves on the shore at the other side of the island.

God, she just needed to breathe.

The placid, mirrorlike water beckoned to her, even though all she could see of it from that distance was a dark void. She could see the lights of the mainland reflecting on the far side, though, and as she walked closer, the calm surface of the water came into focus just feet away. Without hesitating, she walked out onto the old, wooden dock.

Down the way about three quarters of a mile, she could see the bright security lights shining at the marina. To the north, all was dark, with the exception of a couple of restaurants and a few houses scattered in the distance, including the one where she’d met Cale. Where Noelle had met Cale.

Rachel got down on her belly and stretched out on the dock with her head propped on her arms at the very edge. The water was high—only a few inches of space separated the wood planks from it. It was as close to being in her kayak as she could get for now, and being facedown above the water made her feel as if she was floating in the air. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to take her away from what had just transpired.

Pressing her face into her arms, she wished with all she was worth that she could hide. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, unable to protect herself from the guilt that closed in on her from every direction, making it impossible to get a full breath.

She’d never told a soul about the heart-crushing, awful guilt that had plagued her for every single day of the past year and a half. It was something she had to face alone. She deserved it.

Rachel had no illusions that, even as a medical resident—heck, even if she’d been a full-blown doctor—she could have physically saved her sister from the asthma attack that had killed her. Not without being there at the onset. But their argument beforehand, the one that had sent Noelle running out of the house so fast she’d left her purse and her inhaler behind...

She slammed a mental door down on that thought, imagining the sound of a metal jail cell clanging shut to accompany it. Nausea boiled up in her gut, and she felt light-headed even though she was lying flat and unmoving. Fighting to regulate her breathing, she dangled her arm over the side of the dock and dipped her fingers into the cool water. But instead of being an escape for her as it was when she was in her boat, the water now felt threatening, unsafe. When she was in her kayak, she felt as if she was part of the bay, connected to it, but here, six inches up, she felt separate. Unwelcome. As if the water was living and breathing...and blaming.

She pushed herself up abruptly, distancing herself from the inky vastness of the bay. She hugged her knees to her chest, the panicked feeling that the guilt always brought subsiding slowly.

Unbidden, Cale’s face appeared in her mind’s eye. His horrified look as she’d stood before him. The silence.

Embarrassment seared her, made her cheeks burn even as the cool breeze blew over them. She’d practically climbed on him, acted like a desperate loser who couldn’t wait to get it on. And she’d been so humiliatingly into it, loving the sweet taste of him, drinking in the way he kissed, treasuring the feel of his hands on her skin. The thrill that had jolted through her when she’d