the terrifying grief that had been brought to her front door would overwhelm her and she’d suffocate.
A blue light started flickering on her bedside table, emitting a little beep. Sarah extended her hand and wrapped her fingers around her phone.
Bryony’s name flashed on the screen. Suddenly, Sarah wanted to speak to her friend so badly, tell her all. See her, her familiar face, her family – people she’d known and loved since she was a wee girl.
She switched the phone off.
She wouldn’t put Bryony and her family in danger. She would never go near them again. Just as she would never go near Trevor and her cousins again.
She made herself as small as she could, as small as a child, in the shelter of Nicholas’s arms.
In the darkness, he was smiling.
23
Islay
Every scent a memory
Sea and grass
Peat and salt
Where we came from
And what we left behind
The journey to Islay was like a dream of beauty, wind and rain and sea shaping a landscape unchanged for millions of years. It was like a balm on Sarah’s wounds, in spite of her grief for Aunt Juliet and Shadow, and in spite of the fear of another demon strike.
There were still no dreams. She’d always hoped for the dreams to disappear, she had fantasized about how peaceful, how free her life would be without them. But now that they didn’t come, it wasn’t like that at all. Being dreamless left her lost and uncertain and added to her terror.
She didn’t know what she was going to find at Midnight Hall. She suspected that the demon-tigers and the attack on Aunt Juliet were just the beginning of another wave – another Valaya? But she couldn’t count on the dreams to warn her. There was a constant sense of anxiety with every movement, every change of light, every unexpected noise.
Still, even with the black cloud hanging over her, Sarah couldn’t help feel a huge relief to be on the ferry to Islay – because everything around her spoke of freedom. Even in her sadness and fear, she could hear the call of home.
Nicholas stood beside her on deck, unable to keep his eyes from her. Sarah’s black hair was blowing in the wind, and she looked at one with the landscape, as if she’d been born from it – a Celtic goddess, going back where she belonged.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she said over the roar of the wind.
“Yes,” he answered simply.
Something in his voice made Sarah do a double take. She studied his face. He was carrying a weight on his shoulders. Sarah could sometimes feel it so intensely that she could nearly see it, an invisible, malevolent incubus encroaching on his back, refusing to give him peace. The uncertainty in his eyes wasn’t like him – he was usually so confident, even arrogant with it. As if he ruled the world, as if nothing could ever worry him or break his composure.
“Are you OK?”
“Yes, yes. I’m fine,” he smiled thinly. He couldn’t confide in her, of course. He couldn’t speak about what tortured him, and what he had on his mind. He couldn’t tell her that the attack on Juliet hadn’t been his idea at all, but his father’s. That he hadn’t known it was going to happen, not so fast, so cruel.
His eyes roamed over her face, blue shadows under her eyes, cheekbones jutting out. He could see how much the attack on Juliet and Shadow’s death had taken out of her.
“You’ll love it on Islay,” she said and smiled at him, willing him to experience the same feelings she had as the ferry made its way across the sound.
“I’m sure.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and brought her closer. She breathed in his scent of earth and smoke, still persistent in spite of the wind and the smell of the sea. Nicholas took a quick look around. Sean and Elodie were on the other side of the boat. It was a good moment to speak.
“I’m so sorry about what happened to your aunt.” He cupped her cheek, turning her to face him, his black eyes holding her gaze. It was too good a chance to remind her how much she needed him. How much she depended on him. “They’re everywhere. The demons, I mean. Nowhere is safe. Except when you’re with me.”
Sarah gave him a wan smile and leant into him, feeling suddenly weakened. “I know. I’m very lucky to have you. We’ll be just fine,” she said.