It wouldn’t have happened, of course – but Sean didn’t know that. As far as he knew, the Surari was going to kill Nicholas, so he intervened, even though he was barely standing. Quite the hero.
Sean was in love with Sarah, and he was desperately jealous; Nicholas knew that well. So why did Sean not just stand by and let Nicholas fight alone? Die alone? The whole thing was surreal. Sarah had been so powerful, so strong – not the way he needed her to be if her destiny was to remain in his hands. Still, it had been amazing to see. Her face when the tiger-demon pounced on Bryony, and again when the girls were holding hands, once it was all over. The intensity of Sarah’s feelings for Bryony amazed him.
Friendship. It wasn’t something Nicholas had ever experienced. There had never been any need for friendship in his life, a life among Elementals and Surari. With a pang, Nicholas wondered if it could have been different for him. Had he grown up around people as she had, would he be able to feel the way Sarah felt? The way Sarah and Bryony seemed to feel about each other?
When he realized that Bryony had survived the attack he’d felt a hint of something unsettling. Something unexpected. It was a while before he could identify the feeling – and then he’d realized that it was relief. Relief on Sarah’s behalf that her friend had survived.
Odd.
Memories from long ago rose in his mind. Another girl, another Nicholas, even. Those absurd, forbidden feelings swept Nicholas while he gently entangled his fingers in Sarah’s hair.
What was happening to him? Was this a sign that he might not be the person his father had raised him to be?
There used to be a boy called Nicholas, long ago – someone real and truthful, someone with a soul – but he was gone. One lie after another, to his mother, to himself – to the black-haired girl all those years ago. Each lie had taken him another step away from that boy.
Now he was lost.
“Are you OK, Nicholas?” whispered Sarah, shifting so that she could look at him. Nicholas realized he must have moaned in pain.
“Yes. Yes. Sorry, just a headache. Lie back.”
Of course. His father must be displeased. He would know about the thoughts he’d had, the relief he’d felt at Bryony’s survival, the memories of the time he had loved and lost. He should not be putting these feelings into thoughts – he should not have these feelings at all. A member of a Valaya would die for less. The King of Shadows might not kill his son, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t punish him. And his punishments could be so painful, so excruciating, that people would rather throw themselves to the Surari than face his wrath.
He stopped stroking Sarah’s hair and she opened her eyes and studied him again. There was a question in her eyes. A question Nicholas couldn’t answer.
“I love you,” he said. The only truth he knew.
20
Slaughter
If I die today
Will you be there to hold my hand?
Juliet opened the boot of her BMW and started taking out the grocery bags piled on top of each other. They were full of Christmas food and decorations, a cheery tangle of tinsel and mince pies and chocolate boxes. It was going to be a small celebration – just the four of them and Trevor’s parents. Still, Juliet felt Christmas had to be marked. If anything, for her daughters.
It was the first Christmas since Anne had gone.
But she wouldn’t think about that now, she decided. She slammed the boot of the car as if she were slamming her sad thoughts away. If only Sarah had agreed to be with them. No, that thought wouldn’t do either. She had to concentrate on good things, happy things. Stop worrying about things she couldn’t control. Like her niece. Instead, she’d think about the outfit she had planned for the Christmas celebrations, a black silken dress; the presents for the girls, a new iPod each, with pink cases; the weekend away she and Trevor had planned for January – maybe a short skiing trip? Yes, a skiing trip would be just the thing, she said to herself, sweeping her golden hair from her eyes.
But Anne was gone.
Her sister was gone.
And what kind of mince pies would she buy, lattice or shortcrust? What colour of tinsel would the girls like this year? What would they to give to the