to Sean properly, sort it all out. Decide whether she could bear having him in her life again. Whether she could bear not having him in her life anymore. But could they sort it, after all that had happened? When she was still so angry, when she needed him so badly, when she was so confused she couldn’t even begin to unravel her thoughts?
She walked over to the calendar on the wall, lifting the page to count the weeks until Christmas. Until Islay. She remembered her conversation the previous day with Aunt Juliet. When is Harry coming back? It would solve so many problems, if she could allow herself to contemplate Sean being back in her life. Maybe he could help her find a way to do more than just survive. Find a way to rise against the Surari once and for all. With Nicholas’s help. They could look for other heirs, try and coordinate somehow, now that they knew the Sabha could not be trusted any longer.
Truth and lies were so mixed together, Sarah couldn’t even begin to comprehend it all. It all comes down to who I choose to believe, she thought, a small flower of fear blossoming in her chest once more. Fear was second nature for her. That didn’t mean she ever got used to it.
Her eye fell on the clock. Nearly time to go to school. She ran upstairs and put on her uniform. Her skirt was hanging ready, a freshly ironed shirt beside it.
Downstairs, Sarah wiped every surface of the kitchen, then stood in front of the hall mirror, checking her uniform again. She straightened her skirt, she smoothed down her shirt and ran her hands over her tights. She let her hair down from its ponytail, and did it up again, making sure it looked perfect. She noticed how thin her legs were, how pale her face was. She had lost weight, and she wasn’t looking better for it.
Is love not supposed to make you bloom?
“He’s not back, then?”
Sarah knew at once who Bryony was talking about.
They were sitting on one of the wooden tables dotted along the edges of the football pitches. Sarah had taken to having her lunch there alone, in spite of the harsh winter weather. From there she could see the exact place where she and Sean had killed Simon, and where Leigh’s fate had been sealed. That memory haunted her, but still she couldn’t stay away. It was like some absurd hope to turn back time and change things. Change Leigh’s destiny.
Sarah, Bryony, Alice and Leigh, the four girls who were always together since their nursery years. Now Leigh was gone, the mystery of her murder still unsolved. She had been found strangled in the drama room. Only Sarah knew the truth, that she’d been a victim of the Scottish Valaya – and in Sarah’s mind, a victim of the Midnights and their cursed, violent life. She knew, rationally, that Leigh’s death hadn’t been her fault, but she couldn’t help feeling the way she did. Now she was so scared about anything happening to her other friends that she was avoiding them, keeping herself to herself. And Bryony and Alice wandered around the school grounds, the lost half of their close-knit group.
But today, Bryony had followed her and sat at her table, giving her no chance to walk away. Sarah’s absence was breaking her heart.
“No. He’s not back. Not yet, I mean.”
Bryony was desperately trying not to look Sarah in the eye, not to put an arm around her shoulder and hold Sarah close to her, as she would have done only a short while ago. She was relishing the rare chance to speak to her and didn’t want to scare Sarah away.
“Will he be back at all?”
“Of course he will.” Sarah’s tone was unconvincing. For once the Midnight talent for telling lies had failed her. Nobody would have believed her too-bright smile.
“Will he? Are you sure?”
“Bryony, please. I just don’t want to talk about this now.”
“Don’t push me away, Sarah.” Bryony sounded choked all of a sudden, and Sarah looked up in alarm.
“I don’t mean to …” How could she explain? How could she tell Bryony that she was keeping away from her because she was terrified of putting her in danger? That she felt she was like a walking curse, a curse that had befallen Leigh already and might fall on her too?
“You might not mean to, but you are. I barely see you anymore. You’re