not just followed his heart and gone to Sarah as himself, Sean Hannay?
But the answer to that was simple. Because she wouldn’t have let him into her life.
A lose–lose situation. Trust him to be in one of those.
Sarah thrust her chin up defiantly. She knew that she had the power in this relationship. “Why should I believe you? After all the lies you’ve told me?”
“Because I’m telling you the truth now. All I did was for you, Sarah. And for Harry. It was he who asked me to take his place. Elodie can tell you that.”
“Where has this Elodie been all this time?” She spat.
“In Italy. Harry knew he was dying. He’d been poisoned. The day before he died he called me to him. He sent Elodie to Italy to look after the last Japanese heir, Aiko Ayanami, and sent me to look after you. It seems as if he left a message for us. Elodie found it in a book Harry gave her. It’s in Gaelic. We need you to translate it. We can’t trust anyone else.”
Sean’s voice faded. It’s no use. No use. No need for more words.
Sarah stood still and silent again. For a long time.
Another tear rolled down her cheek, shining feebly in the moonlight.
Sean took a step towards her. “Don’t be frightened.”
She dropped her head. “How?”
“How … what?”
“How do you do that? Not be frightened? I don’t know how.” She folded her arms around herself. “I’ve been frightened all my life, Sean. All the time. It’s all that I know. Do you know how it feels, to be as scared as I am? To feel like you’re drowning in terror all the time? I live on the edge of disaster, always waiting. When I was a little girl, any phone call, any letter, any day could spell my parents’ death. My death. Any night could have been the night they didn’t come back. And guess what? It happened. One night they didn’t come back. And any day now it will be my turn.”
“Welcome to the human condition, Sarah!” Sean cried in frustration. “It’s like that for everybody, in case you haven’t noticed! Every single person on this planet can say ‘This might be the day I die. This might be the day my loved ones die.’You don’t need to be an heir to be always afraid!” He took hold of her shoulders.
“Go away!” She tried to shake him off.
“Look around you, Sarah. This room, this house. Everything is spotless. Everything is so clean I could eat off your floors! Does it make you feel better? Does it help, for God’s sake? Look at your hands!” Sean grabbed her – he was past caring about the Blackwater. “Look at them. Look at the way they are again.” His fingers traced her raw, rough skin. “I don’t see Nicholas making much difference to your obsessions! It had got better, remember? But you’re just as fearful now. Worse, perhaps.”
She nodded then met his eye. “You made it better, Sean. And then you went away. It was all a lie, even your name. Everything was a lie.” Her voice hardened. “Don’t come and tell me I’m not well. I know I’m not well. Don’t preach to me when it’s you who made me this way. Go.”
“No.” He suddenly felt strength return to his battered body.
“Go away!”
“Let me stay with you. You need me. You need us. Me, Elodie. Harry’s wife. She’s here to help us. Please let me stay with you. Let us stay with you.” He spoke calmly, simply.
Sarah looked at him with eyes that wanted to be hard, but they were somehow pleading – Sean could see how much she wanted to believe him.
“You were everything to me. Do you know that?”
Sean couldn’t help gasping in shock at her confession, a sharp intake of breath that sounded a bit like a strangled sob. He hadn’t expected an admission like that. He was at a loss for words.
“You were all that was left of my family, but you were lying. And I can’t let myself be hurt again.”
“I won’t hurt you again,” he said.
She studied his face, as if she wanted to read his mind, read his soul. Sean held her gaze – he had nothing to hide anymore.
“Who are you?” she said finally.
“My name is Sean Hannay, I’m a Gamekeeper. I was born and raised in New Zealand. Before becoming a Gamekeeper, I studied medicine, like Harry. Harry Midnight was my brother in everything but blood. And