Theodore (Xavier's Hatchlings #2) - Kathi S. Barton Page 0,9
he was ready to take the next transport out of the place. There wasn’t any way we could get out until someone remembered we’d been dropped off. As I operated on a few more men, it occurred to me that I’d had enough as well.” She looked at her grandma as she finished what she shouldn’t have been telling them in the first place. “It wasn’t the first time I tried to kill myself. Nor the last, as you know. My mind was so fucked up by what was going on around me that I couldn’t deal with it anymore—any of it. My entire life became a series of blood and pain. I cut into my wrists and decided I didn’t want to deal with shit anymore.”
“I’m sorry.” She turned and looked at Theo. “I’ve been in similar situations, but never as bad as I’m sure you had it. Being a surgeon or any kind of medical personnel would have been ten times worse than any other soldier. When you think you’ve been handed just too much for one person to cope with. I served during wartime as well. Not as a surgeon, but as a fighter, and I know how defeated a person can get when nothing seems to stop falling on your head.”
“My head doesn’t work like most people’s.” It was George who asked her what she meant. “I’ve never discussed with anyone before how it works except my grandparents. They never understood it any more than I did. When I’m really stressed, I can see things three or four steps ahead of what I’m doing—like just enough time for me to duck but not get away from what’s coming at me. Also, I have an eidetic memory. Once I see or hear something, I can recall it, again and again, to examine and use. It was why I was able to be a doctor, then a surgeon when I was in the service. But with that, I also saw all the blood. Bodies. Even hearing the screams every time I closed my eyes.”
“How does that work with your depression?” Theo asked this time, and she told him how she felt. “So, it’s too much for your mind and body to be able to retain memories like the one where you were shot. I’m assuming you might even be able to feel the pain too. But you had this before you went into the service. Can I also assume that you have bad memories of living with your parents? And that is what had you trying to end your life?”
“Everything is still there. Every little bit of my life, from having my father drop me several times when I was a baby to the way he smelled when he took my mom’s cancer pain drugs to get high. He knocked me around a good deal too. I will take some of the blame for that. I did, on occasion, correct him on things.” She smiled, and it felt alien on her face. “If that wasn’t enough, I have memories of all the things I did to end my life. The pain of those. The way the water turned pink when I cut my wrists—the feel of the car when it impacted with my body on the street. I couldn’t seem to catch a break on things just being quiet, normal. Whatever the fuck that means.”
“May I touch you?” Theo didn’t move off the couch he’d sat down on when he’d started breathing again. “I promise you, I won’t hurt you or touch you with anything more than my finger. I have a bit of magic that I can share with you that might well help you with some quiet that you want.”
“People have tried before.” He told her that he’d not. “What are you? I mean, you said that you have a bit of magic. I think that’s a lie and that you have plenty enough to take my life should you want to.”
“I’m a dragon. And I’d never harm you or anyone in your family.” She looked at George when he nodded, then at her grandma, who also confirmed that he was telling her the truth. “I do have a great deal of magic. I just didn’t want you to…. I don’t know that you’d freak out, but I didn’t want to startle you into getting more than I want to help you with.”
“Why?” He nodded and smiled at her. “You’re not as charming as you think