married couple. Stole a girl from the side of the road and kept her under their bed for twenty years. Sweet Jesus. Just imagine.” She clasped her throat gently. “No, you’ve got it good here, missy. And now”—she turned to the hamster cage—“you have it even better. Now come along, let’s name these little monsters. Come along.”
Her voice had lost its singsong tone and was hard and immovable.
Ellie peered into the cage and stared at the two dots of fur. She did not care. Name them One and Two for all she cared. Name them A and B.
“Come on. Two nice names for girls, or I’ll be taking them away and flushing them down the toilet.”
Ellie felt her breathing pitch and stall, a wash of light-headedness. She let her thoughts loop violently back and forth inside her head, rush headlong into moments from the past, and grab blindly at things they found there. Her thoughts found a doll. It had pink hair and a gingham dress and huge pink cloth boots.
“Trudy,” she said.
“Ha!” said Noelle, tossing back her head. “I love it.”
Then there was a girl at nursery school, so, so pretty. All the girls used to circle her and try to touch her ice-blonde hair, try to be her friend. Ellie had not thought of her in years. She was called Amy.
“Amy,” she said, breathlessly.
Noelle beamed. “Oh, oh, that is superb. Trudy and Amy. Just perfect. Good girl! So, I’ll keep you supplied with everything you need, all the straw and toys and nibbles and what have you. Your job will be to nurture them. You will need to keep them clean and loved and fed.” She laughed. “A little like I do for you. Do you see? I keep you clean and fed. You keep them clean and fed. A lovely little circle of caring we have here.”
She put her hand to Ellie’s crown and caressed it. “Oh dear,” she said, quickly removing her hand. “You’re getting a little grim up the top here. You’ll be needing a shampoo, I suppose.” She sighed. “I think I have one of those attachment things somewhere, those things you put over the taps with a little showerhead. I’ll see if I can find it.”
“You know, Noelle, I’m missing my GCSEs.”
Noelle tutted sympathetically. “I know, lovely girl, I know. Terrible timing for you, and I’m sorry for that. But you know, there’s always next year.”
Next year. Ellie grabbed on to the concept. She saw herself, next year, at home, legs crossed, sitting on her bed, notebooks spread around her, the sounds of her family floating through the walls and the floors, the sun picking out the sequins on her favorite cushion. She would be one year older. But she would be home.
“You know,” Noelle was saying, “I did see a little story in the papers today. About you. And you know what they’re saying, Ellie?” She looked at Ellie, sadly. “They’re saying that you’ve run away. That you couldn’t face the possibility of failing your exams because you are an overachiever. They’re saying that you ran away from home because you were stressed, having a breakdown.”
Ellie felt a huge wash of anger pulse through her, and then crash to the pit of her stomach when she thought of the implications. No one had seen her walk down Stroud Green Road with Noelle Donnelly. No one was following any Noelle Donnelly–related leads. Everyone was flailing around with nonsense theories because they had nothing else to go on. “But . . .” she began. “But that’s not true! I was enjoying my exams. I wasn’t stressed about them at all!”
“I know, love, I know. I know what a tremendous student you are. But clearly other people don’t know you as well as I know you.”
“Who said it? Who said I was stressed?”
“Well, it was your mother, I think. Yes. It was your mother.”
Ellie felt a wail of fury and injustice and grief building inside the walls of her chest. How could her mother think she’d run away? Her own mother? Her mother who knew her better, loved her better than anyone? How could she just have given up on her like this?
“Don’t give it too much thought, dear girl. Just you focus on these two.” She gestured at the hamster cage. “Dear little Trudy and Amy. They’ll take your mind off it all, I guarantee you.”
Noelle left then, on the hunt for the shower attachment, and the room fell silent as her footsteps receded