Thanks for the Trouble - Tommy Wallach Page 0,25

me on the sand. When she wrote, she used two fingers, one a ghostly echo of the other, and drew in a long, looping cursive.

Name: Griselda Toth

DOB: 12/19/1770

Place of Birth: Kassel, G

We stood up just in time to watch the ocean rush over her words, filling in the curves like a dozen little moats, leaving only a few isolated letters behind.

I signed two letters at her: B and S.

“I told you you wouldn’t believe me.”

I can’t explain how shitty it made me feel, that she still refused to tell me anything real about herself. My first date ever, and it was with a fictional character, or else a crazy person.

“Don’t be blue, darling.”

She reached out for me, but I stepped away.

“Oh, he’s a moody boy,” Zelda said. “But I know how to cheer him up.” In one smooth motion, she pulled her black dress up over her head, taking the glittering headpiece with it. Like that, she was naked, white as the white feathers of a seagull, her hair almost blue in the moonlight. I was very suddenly very sober, and about 90 percent less angry.

“Well?” she said. “Your turn.”

I’d never taken my clothes off in front of a girl before, but I was about four drinks past hesitation. The wig went first, coming to rest on the beach like some dried-up silver sea anemone. My shirt and jacket, then my pants. I waited for a moment, in my boxers that happened to have Pac-Man on them, to see if Zelda would turn around. She didn’t. And now I could hear the whoops and hollers of the other partygoers, clued into what was going on and eager to join in. If I waited any longer, I’d end up putting on a show for all of them.

Boxers down.

Zelda took off toward the ocean, skipping like a long-legged crab, and I followed her. It was only a few steps before we were splashing in the shallows. The water was stupid cold and left us both gasping like freshly caught fish. We laughed hysterically at the sheer agony of it. Black rivers of mascara ran down Zelda’s face. Back on the beach, everyone was tearing off their costumes piece by piece. It was like some kind of crazy dream, the sight of all those people emerging from their disguises, shedding the fake muscles and the plastic armor, the fairy wings and angel wings and devil horns, all of it piled up like a mass grave for make-believe, and I wondered if maybe this was a way for Zelda to show me something true, a version of herself without any clothes or makeup to hide behind. She slipped around me and clamped onto my back, holding her soft shivery self to my spine, wrapping her legs around my hips. She threw a lock of silver seaweed hair over my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “This has been a perfect night.” Other people were splashing into the water now, screaming with the cold and the insanity of it. I turned to smile at Zelda and she kissed me, right on the mouth this time, and I kissed her back. I forgot to keep kicking and we sank like a stone.

I swallowed a mouthful of seawater.

DRINK #8: A TAP-WATER CHASER

NOBODY COULD SURVIVE IN THAT water for long. One by one, we lugged our frozen bodies back to shore, dried ourselves off with our own dry clothes, and sat in a circle around the bonfire. It was the quiet time that I’ve learned comes at the end of every party, when tomorrow starts to rear its ugly head in the imagination. The wood crackled. People smoked and stared into the dying flames. When there was nothing left but embers, Zelda and I tramped back to the parking lot, where the limo was still waiting. We kissed again, and we didn’t stop until the car pulled up in front of my house.

“Home sweet home,” Zelda said. “This is where we say adieu.”

I pointed at her, then at the house.

“You want me to come in? How modern! But won’t your parents mind?”

I shook my head, then mimed drinking followed by sleep. Zelda still seemed uncertain, so I took her hand and pulled her out of the car with me.

“Fine, fine, fine,” she said. “I’ll come of my own free will, thank you.”

She paid the limo driver (and how many of those hundreds had she spent to keep the guy there all night?), and then we went inside, padding