or be any help at all, really. But I can do that.’
That’s all kinds of wrong, I thought. But I just said, ‘Go on.’
‘And I knew that he’d be in a better mood after a good old session. So I got dressed – he’d bought a load of stuff for me to wear, that I keep at his place – and he put on some porn and… well, you know.’
I didn’t really know. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
‘And he said he wanted to choke me, and I said yes, because like I said, he’d done it before and I was okay after, just a bit bruised. That’s why I haven’t been in the gym for a while, because I thought you and Mike might be freaked out, and anyway it was a bit too sore for me to want to get massively out of breath.’
Too sore for you to breathe for a week? And you thought that was okay? my mind screamed.
‘But this time he did it harder. I was so scared, Zoë, I felt like I was going to die. There were dots swimming in front of my eyes and I couldn’t breathe at all. I tried to get him off me, but he’s so much bigger than me and really strong. And then I guess I must’ve passed out because when I came round again he’d finished.’
‘Dani. Oh my God. You must know how dangerous that is.’
She nodded, wincing a bit. ‘The last thing I remember was thinking about that girl, that backpacker in New Zealand, who died from the same thing. And I thought how grim it would be everyone knowing about it, if my name was in the newspapers, and how ashamed Mum would be of me, and how I could never make things right with her if I was dead.’
‘Don’t be silly – no one would have been ashamed. He’s the one who should be ashamed. But you’re okay. Thank God, you’re okay.’
‘Fabian was really nice. He tried to give me a cuddle and stuff, but I just wanted to get out of there. So I put on my coat and I got an Uber here. I didn’t want my flatmates to see me like this.’
Now that Dani’s coat had fallen open, I could see what she was wearing underneath: a leather corset, suspenders and stockings and the kind of stripper shoes I’d imagined buying to wear for Jude, before immediately rejecting the idea.
‘I’ll lend you something to wear tomorrow,’ I promised. ‘Something of mine will fit you, I’m sure. And if not, we’ll ask Alice. It’ll be fine. But I still think you need to report him to the police.’
‘How can I? They’d see me in this get-up and they wouldn’t believe a word I said. And Fabian would tell them I consented, I said it was fine, and he’d be right. I did.’
‘But you can’t consent to that. Not to being hurt like that.’
‘You can. I did. And I did before. I said yes to all the stuff he did to me. I even enjoyed lots of it. It’s just – he kept pushing and pushing, you know? It’s like he was trying to find where my boundaries were, only I didn’t know. Not until tonight.’
Being strangled until you blacked out would pretty much be beyond anyone’s boundaries, I thought.
‘It’s going to be fine,’ I said. ‘You never have to see him again. You never have to do anything you’re not comfortable with again – ever. You’ve got this.’
Dani drank more wine. She’d stopped crying now, and her face was strangely blank under what was left of her heavy make-up.
‘I thought he was so great,’ she said. ‘I literally couldn’t believe my luck, that this hot, rich, successful man wanted to go out with me. I thought that was it, as long as I didn’t put a foot wrong, I was sorted. Mum would be proud of me. My life would be perfect. But it wasn’t true, was it?’
‘Fabian’s a creep. He always was and he always will be. You’re way too good for him. And there are plenty of other guys out there who are normal and decent and kind and won’t make you do weird shit you don’t want to do, and won’t hurt you, and won’t endanger your fucking life for kicks. Really there are.’
‘Like Jude?’
It was my turn to take a big gulp of wine. ‘Jude’s never done anything like that. But all the same, I’ve been