If I didn’t want to talk about it, Raven wouldn’t press. I could deny it, say I was just annoyed with Tex, annoyed the way brothers got with each other sometimes, and things would go back to as they were.
But I’d made a promise to myself. I wasn’t going to lie to myself anymore. And I wasn’t going to pretend to be something I wasn’t. If Raven had figured me out so quickly—was it now, I wondered, or did he know before I got locked up?—I wasn’t going to deny it.
“Yeah.” I gripped my own thigh, hard, tamping down on the fear that rose in my throat from admitting it out loud. “Yeah, it’s fucked. But I’ve dealt with—” I swallowed hard “—my feelings for him since I was sixteen, so I’ve got it under control. I just need a few days to get back to my equilibrium.”
“Oh, Jazz,” Raven said softly.
“Pitiful, right?” I knocked my head back against the exterior wall of the clubhouse so I didn’t have to meet Raven’s eyes. “He’s straight, so. I’ll be fine.”
Raven pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry. That’s a shit hand to be dealt.”
“Hey,” I said with a little shrug. “I’m here in Elkin Lake, I’ve got a job, I’ve got a place to stay, and at least I’ve got him close by.”
Raven still looked a little brokenhearted on my behalf.
“I can’t complain,” I said. “I’ve got a good life. Better than I deserve, at least.”
The back door opened and Priest stuck his head onto the deck. “Thanks for the coffee, guys. Y’all doing all right?”
“Yeah, Pops,” Raven said, and shot an easy smile at me. “Finally got another early riser around.”
“Don’t get used to it,” I said.
“Too late,” Priest said. “Congratulations on the step up, Jazz. You get the rundown yesterday?”
“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “Siren showed me around.”
“Siren? Wasn’t Tex supposed to do that?”
“He got wrapped up in some work at the shop,” I said. “It’s no big deal.”
Priest glanced at Raven, and Raven just shrugged. I wondered suddenly if he’d tell Priest what I told him—or if he’d tell Gunnar. But there was nothing I could do now. Not like I could pull Raven aside like a grade schooler and ask him to keep it a secret. I could only trust him to do what he thought was best.
“You’re working there today, right?” Priest asked.
“No, I’m at Custom today. As enforcer and an extra set of hands if needed.” I said. “Tex’ll be at Ankhor Works.”
The shops were next door to each other and shared a back parking lot. I’d managed to avoid Tex last night—I hadn’t wanted to see him while I was still angry—but I knew there was a good chance I’d see him today. I was anxious, but I couldn’t avoid him forever. Probably better to go ahead and get it over with before things got out of hand.
Raven and I followed Priest back into the kitchen, Gretel trotting in at our heels, and finished our coffee. Raven squeezed my shoulder with a soft look in his eyes before he disappeared back upstairs to his bedroom where his immense computer was. I had no idea what that kid was working on these days, but it was probably important, and way above my pay grade.
It was late enough in the morning now that Tex would be waking up any moment. Priest was looking at me oddly over his coffee, and it was easier for me just to say my goodbyes and head over to the shop a little earlier than I’d planned rather than field any more potential questions.
I arrived just a half hour after the shop opened, but Jonah and Heath were both already there, finishing up their opening duties.
“Hey, Jazz,” Heath called from behind the front desk where he was booting up the computer. “Morning.”
I hadn’t met Heath before my welcome home party—he’d become a prospect while I was locked up—but he seemed like a decent kid so far, a little overly serious for his age, in my opinion, and always eager to do a good job. He looked younger than his twenty years, with platinum blond hair and big brown doe eyes that his intentionally punky style did not outweigh. He’d been a prospect with the club for about a year and a half now, working at Custom while he was in school getting his business degree.
He had a good head on his shoulders, and I couldn’t blame him for being a little