Tender Mercies - By Kitty Thomas Page 0,50
ask questions, accuse, but all she could do was beg.
“Master, please . . . please don’t do this to me. You know I can’t take it. You know what I’ve been through.”
“Your nightmares won’t ever be purged until we do this. Until you know what this will be like with me. You’ve known it was coming for a long time. And I told you from the beginning I would do exactly what I wanted with you, that I would have you whenever and however it pleased me.”
She wanted to ask where he got his logic about purging her nightmares. Some pseudo-psychology textbook? “Why do you want to hurt me? I don’t understand.” So stupid, Grace. Trusting him was so fucking stupid.
“Kitten, do you know the difference between hurt and harm?”
She just stared at him. Because she knew if she opened her mouth she’d lash out. Suddenly she wanted to break free and run from the house. She fantasized about stealing his boat and just drifting off to sea. Why hadn’t she done it before now? She’d had the opportunity. But she’d stayed like a battered wife. Though she hadn’t been battered by Asher, she still didn’t seem to have the self-preservation instincts of a pea.
Why hadn’t she taken the chance at freedom before he’d changed his mind? If she’d spoken quickly enough when he’d made the offer, would he have felt enough pity to follow through rather than taking it back? She’d never know.
“Answer me. That wasn’t rhetorical.”
She wanted to say she knew the difference, but she wasn’t sure she knew his definitions or even if she could separate things out that much in her head anymore, so she said, “No, Master.”
He helped her down the steps into the dungeon, then pointed at the ground where he or William must have set out another cushion. It was hard to go where he’d directed because she’d feel even more vulnerable kneeling. But she moved to where he wanted her.
Asher leaned against the spanking horse, his arms crossed over his chest. “Grace, I will hurt you––”
She cringed at that. To hear him state it so bluntly and without apology caused the rest of her faith to crumble. She never should have trusted him. Not for a single minute. He held all the power. Of course he would use it against her. She’d always known it.
“––but I will never harm you. I will never leave permanent scars on you. I’ll never make you bleed. I’ll never leave you with internal injuries or broken bones. I’ll never torture you or give you more than I know you can handle. Pain will either ultimately be for mutual pleasure or for discipline, but even as discipline it isn’t something you should fear from me. Not the way you’re fearing it.”
She’d known that punishments like writing lines and standing in a corner wouldn’t last and she’d done her best not to break rules or disobey or displease him. When she did, the punishment was immediate. But it hadn’t been physical pain, so far.
“Why can’t it just be for punishment?” She was already making vows and promises in her head to never displease him enough to warrant physical punishment. If she could get him to agree to restrict the pain to punishment, maybe she could find some way to be perfect and never mess up, to never have to feel the sting of the whip or anything else ever again.
“Because I like it.” His gaze was level on her when he said it.
Despair at the hopelessness of the situation caused the tears to finally start sliding down her cheeks. “But what about me?”
He pushed himself off the spanking horse and moved a few steps toward her, until he was within touching distance. “What about you? I care for you. I protect you. I provide for you. But never forget that you are mine. The choices I make for you are made with your ultimate well-being in mind, but also with my desires in mind.”
She didn’t say anything, just looked at the stone floor and his bare feet.
“Kitten, what happens in the dreams now?”
She’d told him all this before, why did he want to hear it again? Why was he tormenting her? “He makes me hurt. He hits me.”
“Is that all he does?”
“Yes.”
“And what did he do before in the dreams . . . when you first had them?”
“Please . . . ”
“Tell me,” Asher demanded.
“You already know.”
“And I want to hear it again.”
“He hurt me, and raped me,