The Telling - Alexandra Sirowy Page 0,128

good deed goes unpunished. I bet that’s what Mom would say if she were here. She liked that adage, even though it wasn’t one of her originals.

I can only stomach talking to Willa about it. She sits on the opposite end of the couch two mornings after we learned that Ben’s grandfather is dead.

“I failed,” I whisper. Dad is working on the terrace. Diane is coming home tomorrow. We’re expecting the worst when we drive to pick her up from Calm Coast. But we’ll be happy to have her. Our family will be as whole as it can be.

“How do you mean?” Willa asks.

“I was supposed to hunt Ben’s killer down. All of it, Swisher Spring, hiking back into the preserve, going to see Diane—I was just on the trail of a ghost. I dragged the others along. Sweeny and Ward found Skitzy-Fitzy. I didn’t get any revenge or even justice for Ben.”

“They’re the police. That’s their job,” Willa says. “We’re seventeen and about to start our last year of high school.” She picks at the seam of her jeans. “Ben would understand. He would be grateful that you fought for him.” She plucks my hand from my lap and laces her fingers in mine. “He would want you to move on.” She raises our joined hands and emphasizes her next words. “Ada-freaking-Lovelace, Lana, Ben would want you to live, to go out with Josh, to make it to the homecoming dance, to get into the college of your dreams, all of it. Ben wanted that for you.” Her hair is wavy and frenzied, framing her face like a lion’s mane, and her eyes glow. “It’s time to fight for yourself.”

The ambiguous noise I plan to make catches in my throat when I hear those words, spoken in her fierce whisper. I’m less and less sure of what Ben would have wanted and who he was.

We wanted secrets. He had plenty—they were just from me.

We wanted shared history. He had more history than I knew. Our make-believe, adventures, and stories—the very things that had grown to be a part of me, like an organ that was vital to my survival—turned out to belong to someone else.

Every story is recast in the sickly yellow of a bruise that refuses to heal. As Ben fades, Willa does not. Willa is steady and determined as always. Willa wants me to fight, and I realize how much I want to. My knuckles are going weak in anticipation. That daring, hungry little voice is here, whispering, Live, go on, dare to be happy.

“Listen, the end-of-the-summer bonfire is tonight,” Willa says.

I touch my chest and say in mock horror, “Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

She throws her hands up. “I know, I know, I am the last person in the universe you would expect to hear this from, but—and I swear to you that my brain hasn’t been hijacked by an alien life-form that craves Jell-O shots and testosterone-fueled drinking games—I think we should go. The others—Duncan, Rusty, Josh, and Carolynn—are all going, and everyone thinks it would be good for you to get out.”

“You’ve been talking to them?”

She shrugs. “Someone had to, since you’ve gone incommunicado and won’t answer Josh’s or Carolynn’s calls. They want us to be together tonight, a united front at the bonfire. No one’s thrilled about going, but school starts in three days.” She waves three fingers in my face. “It’s either tonight or we show up for first period on Monday and it’s baptism by fire.”

It’s difficult to deny Willa’s argument. I can’t put off facing the outside world much longer. I can’t go back to making myself a tiny ball so that there is less of me to ache for Ben, for Becca, even for Maggie and Ford. And I don’t want to.

This is why, eight hours later, I’m pulling jeans on when Josh calls, and for the first time in days, I answer.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” A pause, then, “This is Josh Parker . . . blond hair, blue eyes, really ridiculously good-looking and funny. We shared a kiss once—twice.”

I laugh.

“I was just double-checking that you remember me, since we haven’t talked in so long.”

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize. Just actually show up tonight, okay?”

“I will. I’m leaving soon to pick up Willa.”

“Yeah? Good. You better be there, because I’m going to hold my breath.”

“I promise. I’ll see you soon. And Josh?”

“Yes, Lana?”

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Being you.”

A happy laugh. “I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to,”

readonlinefreenovel.com Copyright 2016 - 2024