feel it,” I admit, and flush with the confession. Speaking my true thoughts and feelings isn’t something I’m used to or good at, but I have to because these men deserve it. Neither of them has grown up without heartache or trouble. They know what it feels like to stand on uncertain ground. If they can open their hearts to me, how can I keep mine closed off to them?
But even as I absorb what Reggie has said about listening to my gut, my heart and mind still mutter warnings in a different language.
21
I wake alone in Gordon’s bed, feeling unsettled. If there are repercussions from their coach for yesterday, Gordon will no doubt find them out today. The guilt I feel sits heavy in my chest. In the bathroom, I freshen up, splashing my face with water and swallowing down the unsettled feeling in my stomach. When I open the door, Gordon is waiting outside, showered, and dressed, and looking sexy as hell and kind of uncomfortable.
“Sorry,” he says, “for waiting out here like a stalker.”
“It’s okay.” I raise my eyebrows, wondering what on earth he’s going to say next and hoping it isn’t going to be regret about last night. I don’t think he’ll feel bad about what we did together. It was intense and beautiful despite his raged state.
“We’re waiting for you downstairs,” he says, hooking his fingers into his belt loops.
They’re waiting for me. What on earth for? It’s only then that my brain finally engages in remembering that it’s the twins’ birthday today, and here I am, delaying everything like a disheveled loser!
“Of course. Why didn’t you wake me up?”
“You needed your sleep. I think me and Reggie kept you up too much last night,” Gordon says sheepishly. Following Gordon down the stairs, I run my hands through my hair, trying to smooth out the tangles. From the kitchen, the now-familiar rumble of conversation spills into the hallway. I let Gordon enter first and follow, hiding in the wake of his bulky frame.
“There they are,” Logan says. He rises from his chair and then puts a foot onto the wooden seat, stepping up, so he’s looming over all of his gathered brothers and me. “Today is a big day. It’s a double birthday. Now, the job of summing up the year would usually have fallen to Dad, God rest his soul, but I’m picking up the challenge this year. What can I say about the terrible twins? They’ve played ball to make us all proud, managed to keep their grade point average high, and…” Logan trails off, glancing at me. “…and achieved some other things that should remain unmentioned.” He bows in my direction with all the flamboyance of the Greatest Showman. “They’ve helped a whole hoard of struggling kids to get to grips with math and even tackled the garden surrounding this house, building the new rear deck with the help of our resident landscaping duo, Sean and Trey. We’re all so close to coming to the end of our college years… it feels like a turning point in all of our lives, but with Maggie here, I know that we won’t be turning away from family but sticking close, which is what Dad always finished off the birthday speech by saying. Happy birthday, Harley and Hunter. May your twenty-second year be filled with happiness, and may you always keep family in your heart.”
There is a ripple of applause and a rumble of Happy Birthday, and as I find Harley and Hunter among the crowd, I catch sight of a large, framed picture of Dad.
“Birthday photo,” Logan says, jumping off the chair and pulling a fold-up tripod out of a kitchen drawer. He pushes his phone into the tripod and sets it up, facing his brothers. Chairs scrape over the linoleum as everyone gathers together. “Come on, Maggie.” Logan ushers me forward as he sets the phone onto timer mode.
It feels awkward to be shuffling into the frame of this family photo and even more awkward when Gordon shoves the image of Dad into my arms. It should be Dad who’s here for this moment when his twin foster sons mark their birthday, not me, but as Logan dashes into the frame and throws his arm around my shoulder, and Hunter finds my hand and envelopes it with his, I’m firmly pulled into the moment.
“Cheese!” Logan shouts as the light begins, the countdown flashes, and all my foster brothers fix beaming grins on their