as I am. "I'm sorry we're speaking under such sad circumstances. It's been a long time since I saw you."
"I know," I say, because what else is there?
"I'm sure your mom told you the news about your dad. It's taken us all by surprise."
"Yes."
"Well, I don't know what you feel about it. I know things between you weren't great for a long time." I don't say anything because the lump in my throat is too big to swallow, and I know that my voice will crack if I try. "He left a will. He was more organized about this stuff than I am… it's made me think about what I need to do to get my affairs in order… but that's not what I need to talk to you about. Your dad had a house. It's in the will. He's left you a letter too. I think he wrote it a couple of years ago when he drafted the will. He's asked that you come here to get the keys and read the letter, and he's left it to you to clear out his things."
"He left me a house?"
"Why don't you come over and I can explain everything? It'll be better to deal with it all face to face. I'm sure you have a lot of questions. There will be a lot for you to do. We can spend some time together, and your cousin Jolene. I know she'd be made up to see you again. And Danna too."
All I remember about Jolene is that she had red hair and freckles and used to drag a naked barbie around when she was a toddler. As for Danna, I think she's a little older than me, but not much. We've all grown a whole lot since we last saw each other. Too much time has passed. That is all about to change.
"I'll leave tomorrow morning," I say. "Is that okay?"
"Of course," Uncle Walter says. "I'll send you the details. We'll talk over coffee and see if we can work everything out.
I want to tell him that there's no working anything out. My dad is gone, and I'm knocked up. There is no going back to undo either of those facts.
"Okay," I say. And just like that, everything changes.
4
The drive out to Hope Valley is long. I leave at 7 am, saying bye to Mom who's due to work a double shift that day. I know she wishes she could come with me, but in a way I'm glad to be going alone. Mom has history with this side of my family that I don't really want to get entangled in right now. I pack sweet tea and dry snacks, which is about all I can stomach, and Mom shoves a sandwich wrapped in brown paper into my bag just in case I get hungry. Crossing state lines makes my destination feel even further. I call Uncle Walter when I'm an hour away, and we schedule to meet at a diner in town at 5 pm.
Nothing looks familiar as I drive down Main Street. Either I don't remember this place, or everything's changed since I was last here. It's busier than I imagined, and it takes me a while to find a place to park. I can't see the diner that Walter mentioned, but I stagger out of the car, taking time to stretch my cramped body, figuring I'll find it on foot. I'm desperate to pee and covered in crumbs, which I swipe off my t-shirt and jeans.
I wonder what Uncle Walter will think of me after all this time. Do I look like he imagines I will? Will he even recognize me? I'm pretty sure I'll still recognize him. I wonder if he still dresses the same in black t-shirts with skulls or rock band motifs and jeans that slot right under his round belly.
I slam my car door shut and lock it securely. I've got my bag in the trunk and I don't want anyone running off with so many of my worldly possessions.
As I'm making my way to the sidewalk, a truck passes and honks the horn. A loud whistle followed by a whole lot of whooping makes me jump. Another truck follows, and it beeps its horn. I catch sight of a gorgeous man in the front, leaning half out the window. "Hey, pretty girl," he shouts, which is followed by more whoops. Before I have a chance to scowl, they're gone, but I'm sure I see