he’d told himself he didn’t want, that he’d never want, rushed over him. Longing for a home, a place filled with warmth and laughter, filled with the people most important to him. Desire for a family, for people who knew him, who would be there for him no matter what, to help him get through the rough times, to celebrate the good times.
A physical ache settled over him and he knew it was because he wanted what he’d left behind. Like the kid he used to be, that poor kid hauling around so much embarrassment and fire inside of him, desire to do better, to be more, the kid who came from nothing, who had nothing—nothing to offer—wanted, once again, something out of his reach.
Except Maddie had been in his reach. She’d been his for over a year, his one weakness, his touchstone. He’d never been able to get enough of her easy, accepting smile and husky laugh. Her soft hands and responsive body.
And he’d given her up.
Like that boy he’d been, he wanted it all again. Wanted to do whatever it took to please her.
Reading the menu, she walked toward him. “I’m thinking the shrimp pad Thai, but I—” She looked up, stopped. Then stepped back. “I’d ask you what you’re thinking but I’m afraid I know that look.”
He edged toward her, pleased when she didn’t move. “What look?”
“That whole let’s-get-it-on look. This isn’t my first rodeo, baby.”
He settled his hands on her hips. “You want to ride the bull?”
She sputtered out a laugh then sighed. “Neil—”
He dipped his head and kissed her. Coaxed a response from her until her hands slid up to his shoulders, her mouth moving under his.
She leaned back, kept her hands linked behind his neck. “Are you trying to seduce me?”
He couldn’t stop himself from trailing a finger up her arm. “That depends on whether it’ll work or not.”
She played with the hair at the nape of his neck, her fingers cool against his heated skin. “I guess that depends on whether you put in one hundred percent effort or not.”
“Never let it be said I don’t give every job, big or small, my all.”
He kissed her again, a warm, lingering kiss, then eased back. She was beautiful, her eyes wide and trusting, her mouth curved in a sexy, feminine grin. She was everything he wanted.
All he’d ever wanted.
He might not be able to have her forever, but he could have her tonight. He’d make sure that was enough.
* * *
NEIL LEANED FORWARD, his breath warm on her neck as he spoke into her ear. “You look good enough to eat,” he murmured, trailing a finger down her forearm. “I used to dream of you,” he admitted in a husky whisper. “I used to see you and my heart would stop. I wanted...” He lifted his gaze to her surprised one. “I still want. You, Maddie. Always you. And I wonder if that’ll ever leave, if it’ll ever stop?”
“You don’t sound too happy about it. Then again, you were never happy with our relationship, were you?” she asked, realizing that as she spoke the words, they were true. “You were always searching for a way out. For a way to make it less than what it was.”
“I was always searching for a way to make my dreams come true. What I felt for you was too big for me to handle. And you were always trying for a way to make it more than what it was. You scared the hell out of me.” The look he sent her made her skin hot, her stomach tumble. “You still do.”
Then his mouth quirked and her heart warmed. Damn him and that slow, careful smile.
He crushed his mouth down on hers. His kiss swept her away, took her outside of herself. Somehow they made it down the hall and to her bed. If she had second thoughts, a moment’s hesitation that by giving in to the inevitable she’d be opening herself to pain, she shoved those doubts aside.
She wanted this. Wanted Neil. She’d forget the past, not worry about the future and concentrate on now. Right here was what was important.
She wrapped her arms around his strong shoulders and deepened the kiss, reveling in his moan, in how his hands roamed over her. She didn’t want to take the time to examine exactly why it was that she was so happy, didn’t want to worry or think this could be a huge mistake.