And you showed me exactly how you felt about me by screwing someone else.”
She started to rise and his control cracked, threatened to crumble under her mocking words, her disdainful glare. He swiveled, bracketing her with his arms on either side of her hips, his knee pressing against her thigh. His heart pounded, his muscles tensed. She had no right, no goddamn right, to throw his words back at him. Not when words never came easily for him. When his tongue felt clumsy, his brain muddled and stupid.
“I was eighteen,” he said roughly, ignoring how huge her eyes were, how she was probably getting ready to hit him over the head with her beer bottle. “When you told me you were pregnant I was terrified.”
Scared all of his plans were ruined, that he’d end up back in Shady Grove, tied down with a wife and baby. That he’d turn into his father, trapped with a family he hadn’t planned on, one he could barely afford to support.
One he hadn’t wanted. Not yet.
The resentment he’d seen on his father’s face had already taken hold of Neil. Resentment, confusion and anger. How had it happened? They were so careful, had always used birth control. But somehow, Maddie had ended up pregnant anyway.
Two weeks after Maddie told him, when Neil had gone out with some of the older guys on the team and a slinky redhead five years his senior had come on to him, he’d seen it for what it was. An opportunity. A way to get back his freedom, to push Maddie away, to kill her love for him once and for all.
“Telling you what happened...” His throat clogged. He cleared it. “Admitting to you what I’d done was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do.”
She laughed harshly. “Yeah? Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me to hear, either.”
“I know.” He remembered how stricken she’d been. He’d come back to tell her, had known that he had to look into her eyes and confess his sin. He’d expected her to tell him off, to yell and call him names. To end things between them.
He hadn’t expected how crushed she’d be. How much he’d hurt her.
“I messed up,” he said, unable to stop himself from edging closer, from sliding his arms in so that her hip warmed his skin. “I hurt you. And for that, I’m sorry.”
“I always knew you’d come back someday begging for my forgiveness,” she said with a sneer, but her voice trembled, the pulse at the base of her throat fluttered.
Christ, but she was caustic and defensive. He should have washed his hands of her a long time ago. He shifted, bracing his weight on his right hand, bringing their faces even closer. He laid his left hand on her waist, and she inhaled sharply but didn’t push him away.
Thank God.
“Are you going to grant it?” he asked. “Will you forgive me, Maddie?”
All those years ago when he’d admitted to cheating on her, he hadn’t apologized. Just told her the truth, accepted her anger as his due and he’d gone on his way. Back to his new life, his goals, without ever seeking absolution. Now he wanted it, needed it, more than his next breath.
Her throat worked. “It doesn’t matter—”
“It does to me.” He inhaled deeply, searched for the right words. “You think I never got mad at you because I didn’t yell or hit things, that I wasn’t happy with you because I didn’t jump for joy, but you’re wrong. You pissed me off plenty.” He lowered his voice, couldn’t stop himself from touching the loose strand of hair by her ear, rubbing it between his fingers. “And you made me happy.”
Happier than he’d ever thought possible. Happier than he’d thought he had a right to be.
She leaned back so that her hair slid through his fingers. “You want forgiveness? Okay. I forgive you. Satisfied?”
“Satisfied?” Her scent filled his nostrils, her heat beckoned him. “Not even close.”
She licked her lips and his gaze dropped, followed the movement. “I know I’d be a lot happier if you’d back up.”
“You looked really good in that dress at the picnic.” The words came out a husky growl, as raw as if they’d been ripped from his throat. She stilled, seemed to even stop breathing. “Different. Soft. Touchable.”
“I’m not yours to touch.”
He held her gaze, watched the play of light in her eyes. “You used to be.”