for you that I’m here, is it?” he asked, his voice a low rumble. “That I want to do what’s right for Bree, that I’m trying to be a better father. No matter what I do, it’s never enough.” Edging closer, he set his hands on the table on either side of her, his forearms brushing her hips. “How long are you going to keep punishing me, Maddie?”
She flinched and prayed like mad he didn’t notice. But this was Neil. Watchful, quiet, intense Neil. Of course he noticed.
“I’m not punishing you,” she said, cursing the breathlessness that made it sound like a lie.
But it wasn’t, she assured herself. She was protecting her daughter. Neil might not set out to hurt Bree and he certainly wouldn’t mean to, but that’s what was bound to happen. Was it really so wrong of Maddie to try to stop that?
His arms now pressed against her, his bare knee touching her outer thigh, the warmth of his skin burning through her jeans. “Then what is it?”
“Move back,” she said, her voice low and dangerous, her legs trembling. “Now.”
Slowly—so slowly it was all she could do not to scream—he lifted his hands in mock surrender and stepped back. She stalked to the coffeepot and, just to have something to do with her hands, poured more into her cup.
“You think I don’t know what’s going to happen?” she asked, yanking open the refrigerator. “I can already see how this is going to end up. You’ll play daddy for a few weeks, give Bree all the time and attention she’s ever wanted.” Maddie dumped milk into her coffee then waved the carton at Neil. “And just when she’s gotten used to having you around, you’ll go back to Seattle.”
Bree would start trusting him. Get attached to him. Believe he’d always be there for her.
And then he’d leave her.
Like he’d left Maddie.
No. No, no, no. She refused to let her daughter make the same mistakes she’d made. She couldn’t let Bree count on Neil. Depending on him to be in her life for the long haul was nothing but a fairy tale.
“My job is in Seattle,” he said.
“I, more than most people, realize how important your job is to you.” Without bothering to stir her coffee, she took a sip. “All I’m asking is that, for once in your life, you put your wants aside and do what’s best for someone else.”
“I always do what I think is best,” he said, sounding irritated, as if she was the one getting on his last nerve. His expression was hard, his eyes cold and flat. “But you never see that. All you see is that you’re not getting your own way.”
“Ouch,” she whispered, hating that his words had the power to hurt her. Hating more that there was the possibility he was right.
He rolled his head from side to side. Exhaled. “Believe it or not, we’re on the same side here. Can’t we be partners in this? For Bree?”
Maddie didn’t need him to be her partner. She’d been a single parent for the past eleven years. She was used to calling the shots, making all the decisions. She was used to going it alone.
She didn’t want or need him. Not anymore.
But Bree did.
Maddie was the one who was here for Bree every day. She’d raised her with equal doses of indulgence and discipline, surrounded her with family—grandparents and aunts and uncles—and it still wasn’t enough. Maddie wasn’t enough.
It killed her.
Because all her sweet, bright, sensitive daughter wanted, all she’d ever wanted, was her daddy.
Lo and behold, here he was, claiming he was ready to finally, finally be the father Bree needed him to be. Maddie couldn’t deny her daughter the chance to have something she’d been missing, been craving, her entire life.
“We’ll let Bree decide,” Maddie said, clutching her coffee cup, but her fingers remained cold and numb. “It’ll be up to her when and how much time she wants to spend with you.”
He nodded. “Thank you.”
She didn’t want his gratitude. Couldn’t handle the way it amped up her guilt. Made her wonder if he was right. She was punishing him for walking away. That she was at least partly responsible for the distance between him and Bree.
“I’ll go wake her up,” Maddie said, heading toward the hall. “Help yourself to coffee.”
He seemed so shocked by what was nothing more than a polite offer, she bit the inside of her lip. Okay, so maybe she could tone back the resentment a