None. He took a deep drink of his Scotch. And there seems to be no deterioration of any kind. You know, I feared that. I feared it even when you were in this body, but I didn't want to say it. We had enough to worry about, didn't we? He turned and looked at me, and quite suddenly he smiled. In a low stunned voice he said, You're looking at a man you know from the inside out.
No, not really, I said. Tell me, how do you deal with the perception of strangers ... those who don't guess. Do women invite you into their bedrooms What about young men?
He looked out to the sea, and there was a little bitterness in his face suddenly. You know the answer. I can't make a vocation of those encounters. They mean nothing to me. I don't say I haven't enjoyed a few safaris into the bedroom. I have more important things to do, Lestat, far more important things to do. There are places I want to go-lands and cities I always dreamt I would visit. Rio is only the beginning. There are mysteries I must solve; things I must find out.
Yes, I can imagine.
You said something very important to me when we were together last. You said, surely you won't give the Talamasca this life too. Well, I won't give it to them. What's paramount in my mind is that I must not waste it. That I must do something of absolute importance with it. Of course the direction won't come to me all at once. There has to be a period of traveling, of learning, of evaluation, before I make a decision as to direction. And as I engage in my studies, I write. I write everything down. Sometimes the record itself seems the goal.
I know.
There are many things I want to ask you. I've been plagued with questions.
Why What sort of questions?
About what you experienced those few days, and whether you have the slightest regret that we ended the venture so soon.
What venture You mean my life as a mortal man?
Yes.
No regret.
He started to speak again, and then broke off. Then again he spoke. What did you take back with you? he asked in a low fervent voice.
I turned and looked at him again. Yes, the face was definitely more angular. Was it personality which had sharpened it and given it more definition. Perfect, I thought.
I'm sorry, David, my mind wandered. Ask me this question
again.
What did you take back with you? he said, with his old familiar patience. What lesson?
I don't know that it was a lesson, I said. And it may take time for me to understand whatever I learnt.
Yes, I see, of course.
I can tell you that I'm aware of a new lust for adventure, for wandering, the very things you describe. I want to go back to the rain forests. I saw them so briefly when I went to visit Gretchen. There was a temple there. I want to see it again.
You never told me what happened.
Ah, yes, I told you but you were Raglan at the time. The Body Thief witnessed that little confession. Why on earth would he want to steal such a thing But I'm drifting off the point. There are so many places that I, too, want to go.
Yes.
It's a lust again for time and for the future, for the mysteries of the natural world. For being the watcher that I became that long-ago night in Paris, when I was forced into it. I lost my illusions. I lost my favorite lies. You might say I revisited that moment and was reborn to darkness of my own free will. And such a will!
Ah, yes, I understand.
Do you That's good if you do.
Why do you speak that way? He lowered his voice and spoke slowly. Do you need my understanding as much as I need yours?
You've never understood me, I said. Oh, it's not an accusation. You live with illusions about me, which make it possible for you to visit with me, to speak with me, even to shelter me and help me. You couldn't do that if you really knew what I was. I tried to tell you. When I spoke of my dreams . . .
You're wrong. That's your vanity talking, he said. You love to imagine you're worse than you are. What dreams I don't remember your ever speaking to me of dreams.