my fingers trembling as her fingers trembled, the money looking soiled and foolish, like so much rubbish.
Take it, Gretchen. Here. It will help the children. I turned and saw the candle again-that same candle! Why the candle I laid the money down beside it, hearing the boards creak under my weight as I stepped to the little table.
As I turned to look back at her, she came towards me, fearfully, eyes wide.
Who are you? she whispered for the third time. How large her eyes, how dark the pupils, as they danced over me, like ringers drawn to something that would burn them. I'm asking you again to tell me the truth!
Lestat, whom you nursed in your own house, Gretchen. Gretchen, I've recovered my true form. I came because I promised you I would come.
I could scarcely bear it, my old anger kindling as the fear intensified in her, as her shoulders stiffened and her arms came tightly together, and the hand clenching the chain at her neck began to shake.
I don't believe you, she said, in the same strangled whisper, her entire body recoiling though she did not even take a step.
No, Gretchen. Don't look at me in fear or as if you despise me. What have I done to you that you should look at me that way You know my voice. You know what you did for me. I came to thank you-
Liar!
No, that's not true. I came because ... because I wanted to see you again.
Lord God, was I weeping Were my emotions now as volatile as my power And she would see the blood in streaks on my face and it would scare her even more. I could not bear the look in her eyes.
I turned, and stared at the little candle. I struck the wick with my invisible will and saw the flame leap up, a tiny yellow tongue. Mon Dieu, that same play of shadow on the wall. She gasped as she stared at it and back at me, as the illumination spread around us and she saw for the first time very clearly and unmistakably the eyes that were fixed upon her, the hair that framed the face which looked at her, the gleaming fingernails of my hands, the white teeth just visible perhaps behind my parted lips. Gretchen, don't be afraid of me. In the name of truth, look at me. You made me promise I would come. Gretchen, I didn't lie to you. You saved me. I am here, and there is no God, Gretchen, you told me so. From anyone else it wouldn't have mattered, but you said it yourself.
Her hands went to her lips as she drew back, the little chain falling loose so that I saw the gold cross hi the candle's light. Oh, thank God, a cross not a locket! She stepped back again. She could not stop the impulsive motion.
Her words came in a low faltering whisper:
Get away from me, unclean spirit! Get out of this house of God!
I won't hurt you!
Get away from these little ones!
Gretchen. I won't hurt the children.
In the name of God, get away from me ... go. Her right hand groped again for the cross and she held it towards me, her face flushed and her lips wet and loose and trembling in her hysteria, her eyes devoid of reason as she spoke again. I saw it was a crucifix with the tiny twisted body of the dead Christ.
Go out of this house. God Himself protects it. He protects the children. Go.
In the name of truth, Gretchen, I answered, my voice as low as hers, and as full of feeling. I lay with you! I am here.
Liar, she hissed. Liar! Her body was shaking so violently, it seemed she would lose her balance and fall.
No, it's the truth. If nothing else is true, it's true. Gretchen, I won't hurt the children. I won't hurt you.
In another instant, surely, she would lose her reason altogether, helpless screams would break from her, and the whole night would hear her, and every poor soul of the compound would come outdoors to heed her, to take up perhaps the very same cry.
But she remained there, shaking all over, and only dry sobs came suddenly from her open mouth.
Gretchen, I'll go now, I'll leave you if that's what you really want. But I kept my promise to you! Is there nothing more I can do?
A little cry came from one of the beds behind her, and