and destroy it on the spot. Marius, who might already have destroyed it so that I was left forever within this mortal frame.
Oh, if ever I'd known such misery in my mortal youth, I didn't remember it. And if I had, it would have been little consolation to me now. As for my fear, it was unspeakable! Reason couldn't compass it. Round and round I went with my hopes and feeble plans.
I have to find the Body Thief, I have to find him and you must give me time, Marius, if you will not help me, you must grant me that much.
Over and over I said it like the Hail Mary of a rosary as I trudged on through the bitter rain.
Once or twice I even shouted my prayers in the darkness, standing beneath a high dripping oak tree, and trying to see the approaching light coming down through the wet sky.
Who in all the world would help me
David was my only hope, though what he could do to help me, I couldn't even imagine. David! And what if he, too, turned his back on me.
Chapter 19
NINETEEN
I WAS sitting in the Cafe du Monde as the sun came up, thinking, how shall I get into my rooftop rooms This little problem was preventing me from losing my mind. Was that the key to mortal survival Hmmm. How to breach my luxurious little apartment I myself had fitted the entry to the roof garden with an impassable iron gate. I myself secured the doors of the penthouse itself with numerous and complex locks. Indeed, the windows were barred against intruding mortals, though how they could have possibly reached the windows, I never truly considered before.
Ah, well, I shall have to get through the gate. I shall work some verbal magic on the other tenants of the building-all tenants of the blond Frenchman Lestat de Lioncourt, who treats them very well, I might add. I shall convince them I am a French cousin of the landlord, sent to take care of the penthouse in his absence, and that I must be allowed in at all costs. Never mind that I must use a crowbar! Or an ax! Or a buzz saw. Only a technicality, as they say in this age. I must get in.
And then what will I do Pick up a kitchen knife-for the place has such things, though God knows I never had need of a kitchen-and slit my mortal throat
No. Call David. There is no one else in this world to whom you can turn, and oh, think of the dreadful things David is going to say!
When I ceased to think of all this, I fell immediately into the crushing despair.
They had cast me out. Marius. Louis. In my worst folly, they had refused me help. Oh, I had mocked Marius, true. I had refused his wisdom, his company, his rules.
Oh, yes, I had asked for it, as mortals so often declare. And I had done this despicable thing of letting loose the Body Thief with my powers. True. Guilty again of spectacular blunders and experiments. But had I ever dreamed of what it would truly mean to be stripped utterly of my powers and on the outside looking in The others knew; they must know. And they had let Marius come to render the judgment, to let me know that for what I had done, I was cast out!
But Louis, my beautiful Louis, how could he have spurned me! I would have defied heaven to help Louis! I had so counted upon Louis, I had so counted upon waking this night with the old blood running powerful and true in my veins.
Oh, Lord God-I was no longer one of them. I was not anything but this mortal man, sitting here in the smothering warmth of the cafe, drinking this coffee-ah, yes, nice-tasting coffee, of course-and munching on the sugar doughnuts with no hope of ever regaining his glorious place in the dark Elohim.
Ah, how I hated them. How I wished to harm them! But who was to blame for all this Lestat-now six feet two inches tall, with brown eyes and rather dark skin and a nice mop of wavy brown hair; Lestat, with muscular arms and strong legs, and another severe mortal chill sickening and weakening him; Lestat, with his faithful dog, Mojo-Lestat pondering how in the world he would catch the demon who had run off, not with his soul as so often happens, but