and quiet, yet steady. And I knew I was completely alone. I had fallen to one side, my hands out before me to break the fall. And as I rose now, I cried out to him, praying that somehow he could hear me, no matter how far away he'd gone. Louis, help me. I don't want to be alive. I don't want to be mortal! Louis, don't leave me here! I can't bear it! I don't want sit! I don't want to save my soul!
How long I repeated these themes I don't know. Finally, I was too exhausted to continue; and the sounds of this mortal world and all its desperation were hurtful to my own ears.
I sat on the floor, one leg crooked beneath me, my elbow resting on my knee, my fingers in my hair. Mojo had come forward, fearfully, and lay now beside me, and I leaned down ad pressed my forehead into his fur.
The little fire was almost gone out. The rain hissed and sighed and redoubled its strength, but falling straight from the heavens without a breath of hateful wind.
Finally I looked up at this dark, dismal little place, at its Bumble of books and old statues, at the dust and filth everywhere, and at the glowing embers heaped hi the little hearth. How weary I was; how seared from my own anger; how close to despair.
Had I ever in all my misery been this completely without hope
My eyes moved sluggishly to the doorway, and to the steady downpour, and the menacing darkness which lay beyond. Yes, go out in it, you and Mojo, who will of course love it as he loved the snow. You have to go out in it. You have to get out of this abysmal little house, and find some comfortable shelter where you can rest.
My rooftop apartment, surely there was some way I could break into it. Surely . . . some way. And then the sun was coming hi a few hours, wasn't it Ah, this my lovely city, beneath the warm light of the sun.
For God's sake, don't start weeping again. You need to rest and to think.
But first, before you go, why don't you burn down his house! Let the big Victorian alone. He doesn't love it. But burn his little shack!
I could feel myself breaking into an irresistible and malicious smile, even as the tears still hovered in my eyes.
Yes, burn it down! He deserves it. And of course he's taken his writings with him, yes, indeed he has, but all his books will go up in smoke! And that's exactly what he deserves.
At once I gathered up the paintings-a gorgeous Monet, a couple of small Picassos, and a ruby-red egg tempera panel of the medieval period, all deteriorating badly, of course-and I rushed out and into the old empty Victorian mansion, and stashed these hi a darkened corner which seemed both safe and dry.
Then I went back into the little house, snatched up his candle, and thrust it into the remains of the fire. At once the soft ashes exploded with tiny orange sparks; and the sparks fastened themselves upon the wick.
Oh, you deserve this, you treacherous ungrateful bastard! I seethed as I put the flame to the books piled against the wall, carefully ruffling their pages to get them going. And then to an old coat thrown over a wooden chair, which went up like straw, and then to the red velvet cushions of the chair that had been mine. Ah, yes, burn it, all of it.
I kicked a pile of moldering magazines beneath his desk and ignited them. I touched the flame to one book after another, and tossed these like flaming coals into all parts of the little house.
Mojo edged away from these little bonfires, and finally went out into the rain, where he stood at a distance, gazing at me through the open door.
Ah, but things were moving too slowly. And Louis has a drawer full of candles; how could I have forgotten them-curse this mortal brain!-and now I drew them out, some twenty of them, and started setting the wax to burning fiercely, never mind the wick, and flinging them into the red velvet chair to make a great heat. I hurled them at the heaps of debris that remained, and I flung burning books at the wet shutters, and ignited the old fragments of curtain which here and there hung forgotten and neglected from old rods. I kicked