as her mind screamed with what-ifs. Uncertain whether she could trust Pam, Maisie was happy to leave the safe house, following Terror out into the storming night and back onto the unfriendly streets of The Cur. She looked back at the safe house one last time before trudging closer to Terror.
He glanced at her briefly and then turned his gaze back toward the street. Maisie stared at his profile, his strong jaw and aquiline nose, and came to the painful realization that she didn’t really know him as well as she had believed. He had an entire lifetime of difficult decisions, deadly missions, assassinations and lovers that she would never know. For all she knew, she was just another one of those missions.
What if I’m the long game? What if he’s using me to find Devious? What if I’m bait for my stepbrother? What if Kris betrayed Devious? What if Terror plans to hand me over to the authorities when he’s done with me?
The thoughts struck her cold, and she wondered, briefly, if she should flee his protection. Was she safer on her own? Looking around the rough streets, she decided that wasn’t the best idea. Right now, she was safer with him, but that could change in an instant.
Don’t be stupid, Maisie. You’re the only one who cares if you actually make it out of this alive.
Clenching her jaw, she gripped the straps of her backpack tighter and sloshed through the floodwaters at Terror’s side. She hardened her heart toward him, reminding herself over and over how he looked when kissing Pam. She remembered the way he had coldly ended things with her back on the cargo ship, humiliating her and making her feel small and stupid.
He doesn’t love me.
Acknowledging that fact was hard, but it wasn’t nearly as hard as acknowledging the fact that she still loved him, completely and irrevocably.
Chapter Eighteen
Terror grimaced as the man standing next to him on the packed shuttle lifted his arm and let loose the worst stench he had smelled since living in a dorm at the Academy. He turned his face and shifted his weight toward Maisie who had taken up the small space between him and the wall of the passenger cabin. She still wouldn’t meet his gaze, keeping her head down and her face hidden by that ugly hat.
You are the biggest fuck up in the universe.
Silently berating himself for what had happened back at the safe house, he wondered if Maisie would forgive him. He realized now he should have warned her about his prior relationship with Pam. He shouldn’t have let her be blindsided like that. If the tables had been turned, he would have been furious to see a strange man walk up to her and kiss her so he could only imagine how angry Maisie was right now.
Ever since their tryst in the bunk room, he had been fucking up left and right. It was embarrassing, really. He had always prided himself on being capable and confident in all situations, but he seemed to be fumbling like a stupid teenager. Maisie, on the other hand, had made it clear that she could handle herself in any situation. She wasn’t fazed by anything and pushed through even the toughest moments without complaining.
He cringed at the memory of how he had reacted to her unexpected haircut. When it came to Maisie, it was so hard for him to control his expressions. She threw him off-kilter and made him feel things so strongly. Seeing her sitting there on that bed, all of her soft, silky hair gone, and looking like a slim young man had rocked him.
It was another reminder of his failures. She didn’t think he could keep her safe so she had drastically changed her appearance to avoid attention. She was still just as beautiful, but he knew that losing her hair was another blow in a long line of demoralizing events. He could practically feel the tension radiating from her in waves of anxiety and anger. She had been running on adrenaline and a drive to survive for long that it wouldn’t take much to set her off like a rocket.
She glanced up at him, sparing him only a moment’s attention before shifting away and presenting her back. He fought the urge to step closer and gave her the space she wanted, even though it made his chest ache to be separated from her. She had made her feelings clear, and he had to respect