before she had Adity and sometimes she will talk to her about it… It must have been heartbreaking for you.’ He swept his fringe away from his forehead. ‘And anyway—’ he said, sitting up straighter in his chair and thumping his hand on the table ‘—just who was that fucker who got you pregnant, Mum? Then left you high and dry.’
‘Ed you don’t understand.’ Maddie’s chest felt tight. It was not meant to be like this.
‘Too right I don’t understand, Mum – who was it? We could hunt him down, Mum, cyber-stalk him… go on Facebook, you know?’
She could feel the heat rise up her chest as she looked down at the debris on the table: the crackers split in two, crumpled jokes. She’d been shredding her tissue paper hat in her hands. There was more to this story, but Ed wasn’t in the right frame of mind to understand… This was going horribly wrong.
She glanced outside; Greg had finally attached Taffie’s lead and was grinning at the dog, saying something, his breath caught in a misty halo around his head. Ed followed her gaze. The fire crackled and a spark fell onto the hearth. Ed’s eyes darted from her and back outside to Greg as then to the paper hat she was still shredding. Silence pressed down on both of them.
‘Wait a minute. Exeter. Greg?’ His voice went up at the end. Then a pause. ‘What?’
‘You don’t understand, Ed. It wasn’t like that. Please, Ed.’
‘Really? Because it is from where I’m sitting, no standing, right now!’ He exploded and stood up. He grabbed the back of the chair for support. ‘It sounds very much “like that” whatever that means, Mum!’ he spat. ‘I know it was “a different generation”, I know it was ages ago, I know you lost the baby… but for Christ’s sake, how could you let him back in your life again?’ With that, he marched to the glass doors.
‘Ed! No!’ she screamed, standing up. Just then, she felt dizzy and had to hold onto the back of her chair.
Ed yanked at the doors then stood on the steps, swaying. ‘Hey! Forget walking fucking Taffie,’ he yelled, his voice shrill. He stepped down into the garden, cold wind billowing into the lounge. Maddie shivered, watching the events unfold in front of her and, like holding a hand up to a waterfall, she was powerless to stop the torrent.
Ed marched over to Greg and yanked the lead from his hands. Greg glanced up to the house and frowned. ‘Ed? You all right, mate?’
Ed was having none of it and was in full pelt. ‘I’m fine, mate! But why don’t you take a walk instead? My mum doesn’t want to see you! I know everything that’s happened. How could you? Why don’t you fuck off back to your precious sailing club and fuck off out of our lives!’
Maddie shuddered. God, no, no, no! She pulled her shoulders back and then walked, shakily, to the doorway, the cold wind brushing past her as she stood on the step, shivering. ‘Ed! Greg, I need to explain!’ But it was too late. Greg glanced quickly back at her as Ed hauled a barking Taffie back into the cottage and slammed the door shut as Taffie whined in protest.
Maddie stared at Greg’s hunched silhouette, his head bent in the wind, walking across the garden to the back gate by the path. He opened it slowly and walked right out. Of her life? She had no idea. Not again… She grabbed the doorframe as another wave of nausea and dizziness overwhelmed her. Walking slowly, she returned to the table and sat down, then lowered her head onto the table and stifled a sob. How could it have gone so horribly wrong? And the problem was, Ed only knew half the story.
44
Maddie had a terrible night’s sleep – tossing and turning and dreaming about being in a casino, shouting at everyone. A storm had been gathering pace outside and collided with her dreams; one minute in the dream she was with Tim, the next, arms linked with Greg. Winds had been belting her small window all night, taking the full brunt of the gale.
When she woke the next day she knew she couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. Tim had replied to her texts saying that he was in counselling and was dealing with the debt collectors and he couldn’t cope with any more stress. More stress? She really could kill him. He had