caught in his eyelashes. ‘It’s – well, it’s complicated,’ he muttered, blinking a few times.
Complicated. What on earth does that mean? wondered Maddie, looking between Greg and the exhausted dog lying between them. But she didn’t want to push it.
‘And you?’ He ran his hands through his damp hair.
And then she told him, explained why she was there, about Olive, about how sad the last few weeks had been, how Maddie had wished she was there for her. The bombshell with Tim, his deceit on every level, the house, the money, Linda, the gambling, how she’d been left Maris Cottage. About Ed travelling, about how alone she felt at times. She looked up and could see deep concern in his eyes. He reached out and touched her hand.
‘Maddie, that’s awful,’ he said. Then he stretched his arms above his head and hauled himself up to sit a bit more upright. He leant towards her. ‘Listen, let’s talk about—’
‘No, Greg, it’s OK.’ She didn’t want to dredge up the past; she knew there was no way she could put the clock back. He was married, and she’d always promised herself she wouldn’t play tricks, to hold him accountable.
‘But it’s not OK, Maddie,’ he said, leaning forward and turning to face her. ‘There’s a lot we need to talk about. You need to understand—’
‘Look, Greg, I do understand. I mean, I’m angry about what you thought I’d do—’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You jumped to conclusions. It’s not what you think.’ She shook her head. ‘You thought I’d gotten rid of the baby, didn’t you? But before that, when you thought “we” were having a baby – the responsibility you would have felt…’ She trailed off as his face contorted into a strange frown.
‘Conclusions? What do you mean, Maddie?’
‘It was a huge responsibility – for both of us – but I didn’t want to trap you. How could I do that? I understand why you didn’t try to get in touch with me after that first visit. I know my mother was awful to you. I know you, Greg.’ She felt a lump in her throat. ‘You’re happiest when you’re not anchored down. Just look at you here – you love it. I knew you wanted to get away, live your life. I get it. I loved you, Greg, so I let you go. Simple.’ Her eyes were moist and she stared at his strong arms, at his hands clasped together on his lap. He would never know how much pain that had caused her. How can you pin down a butterfly? Rip those paper-thin wings? Never to fly again?
‘But you thought I got rid of the baby, didn’t you?’ she whispered, feeling the tears. ‘That’s what you said in the hotel—’ She couldn’t finish the sentence because of the sob that left her. ‘That really hurt me, Greg.’
‘Maddie, God no! What do you mean?’ He suddenly sat up and swivelled round to face her. Then he reached out and held her face in both his hands.
She was trembling. ‘It’s OK, Greg, I understand.’
She could hear the blood rushing through her ears and she looked into his eyes as his warm hands cupped her cheeks. ‘No, no, you don’t.’ He was looking fiercely at her, his thumb rubbing her chin.
‘Greg, I don’t blame you, I never have, I—’ She realised she wanted to say ‘always loved you’ but stopped herself. She had a new life here and she needed to be strong for Ed, and herself.
‘Maddie.’ He stopped rubbing her chin with his thumb and stared right at her. His eyelashes brushed his cheeks as he blinked, bewildered at her.
‘I didn’t think you’d lost the baby; your mother told me you had.’
‘She what?’
‘She told me you were bleeding, that the baby was gone. That you had all decided it was for the best.’
Maddie felt sick. He didn’t understand.
‘I was bleeding, but you left, you didn’t stay. I felt rejected—’ Why had her mother told him that?
‘Maddie.’ He took his hands away from her face and threw them in the air. ‘I did leave that day, yes. I was in shock. But did she not tell you I came the next day – again?’ Greg’s eyes were darting left and right looking into her eyes. ‘To see you. The very next day. I couldn’t sleep that night. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I’d walked away once, and it was awful. I knew I didn’t want to walk away again.’