that they were arguing in front of him. In a way, it showed a measure of trust.
Lily opened the oven and he slipped the cake in. She said, “Don’t make this into something it’s not. I’m not criticizing you for stepping up to the plate. I sacrificed a summer trip. You’re sacrificing a lot more than that.”
“’Nother one,” Ashley said, and Cameron picked a yellow balloon.
Charlie came in and her face lit up brighter than he’d seen it in weeks. “Cool,” she said. “Can I lick the bowl?”
“Me, too!” Ashley tossed a balloon in the air. A new song came on the radio—“Nah Nah Hey Hey”—and Lily and Charlie sang along, swaying their hips. And Cameron had a peculiar thought. This—the way they were now—was how holidays and celebrations were going to be. It was hard to believe, but they had to figure out how to laugh and have fun and tease and fight, even though his parents were gone.
“Well, you managed to blow up a roomful of balloons instead of helping with the cake,” Lily said to him.
“Yep,” he said. “So?”
“So nothing. I was going to thank you. It’s better than lollygagging around.”
“I say it all the time.” Lily tossed him a roll of pink crepe paper. “So quit lollygagging.”
chapter 30
“You know what’s weird?” Sean asked Lily after the birthday celebration.
“Pretty much everything these days,” she answered.
“I used to wonder what it was like to live here.”
They sat on the back porch of Crystal’s house. Under a blooming apple tree, Ashley and Charlie were playing an elaborate private game in the sandbox, involving all of the furniture from Barbie’s dream house, a collection of troll dolls and Ashley’s birthday doll. The sun was going down, its amber rays slanting across the lawn, and a light breeze stirred a shower of apple blossom petals through the deepening light, giving the scene a dreamlike quality.
“Where, here?” she asked. “In Comfort?”
“In this house.” He picked up a stray golf tee and rolled it between the palms of his hands. “Derek and I used to pass it every day on our way to school, and we always used to claim we’d live here one day. We envisioned a sort of colony populated by boys and dogs.”
She smiled, trying to picture him as a little boy. Blue eyes, of course, and lighter hair. Probably a mischievous expression. “It’s funny where life takes you.”
He nodded. “Derek never gave up this house, but I went looking for something else.”
“And what was that?”
“Someplace a little more exotic. The French Riviera or maybe Buenos Aires. Or hell, Monterey. Everywhere is more exotic than good old Comfort, Oregon.”
“And here you are.”
“Here I am.” He raked his open hand through his hair. “Christ, I miss him. Everything’s just wrong. I shouldn’t be here, living this life. I’m not the one to fill his shoes.”
“That’s not what you’re supposed to do.”
“Then what the hell am I supposed to do?”
She thought about the way Charlie and Cameron had been today—wounded but healing. “I think you’re doing it.”
He rested his wrists on his knees and looked out at the yard with its garden of rhododendrons and fruit trees, old hostas spreading their huge leaves in the shade. “I sure as hell wasn’t expecting this.”
“No one was,” she pointed out. “Listen, about Maura…I didn’t mean to seem so judgmental this morning.”
“You were thinking of the kids.”
Was I? Lily wondered. I was, I had to be. If I was thinking of anything other than the kids, I’m in trouble. “She seems like a fine person. I admire her for working so hard on her medical degree.” She sounded so phony. He probably knew it, too.
“I’m going out, okay?” asked Cameron from the back door.
Sean stood and turned to face him. “Out where?”
“Just around.”
“You’re going to have to be more specific.”
“Why?”
“So if I decide to cruise by later, there won’t be any surprises. Remember, we talked about this. I can’t stand surprises.”
Cameron stepped outside. He had his skateboard under his arm. “If you checked up on me, I’d shoot myself.” There was a note of barely suppressed annoyance in his voice.
Lily bit her tongue to keep from protesting his choice of words. Sean waited.
“I’m just going to hang with some friends.”
“Which ones?”
“Jeez, Uncle Sean—”
“Jeez nothing.” Sean waited, his stare locked to Cameron’s.
Lily was intrigued. She could feel the tension between them like a vibration in the air. Sean’s parenting style, if you could call it that, fascinated her. He operated solely