a purse clutched in one hand and a small stack of neatly printed index cards in the other. She wore a hat and no makeup, and looked nervous and earnest, determined to deliver a proper eulogy for her friend.
The funeral director had them all escorted to their seats in the front pews. The principal of Charlie’s school was right behind them on the end, ready to whisk Ashley away if she got too loud. The honey-oak caskets, draped in flowers, gleamed in the sunlight filtering through a window with a Holy Spirit design. And Sean was floating again in a high arc overhead, unable to keep himself anchored to the earth.
chapter 21
The funeral was a brutal spectacle that was part media circus, part solemn ceremony. Lily felt battered and sore on the inside, exhausted to the point of numbness. The service went by in a blur of tears and music and heartfelt eulogies. Everyone present tried to express the inexpressible—grief for a shocking loss and, perhaps worse, the sadness and quiet terror of three children who would grow up without their parents.
Lily was surprised and moved when her family showed up. They hadn’t known Crystal well, but they knew how important she was to Lily. When it was her turn to speak up, she sent a panicked glance toward her mother, receiving a calm nod of encouragement: You can do this.
Lily stood and made her way to the podium. Somehow, for the sake of the children, she managed to speak in a clear, steady voice, telling the packed church that Crystal had been the best friend, mother and person anyone could imagine.
“Best friend and loving mother” had seemed like the proper words when she’d written them late last night. Yet uttered over the PA system to a packed church, they sounded hollow and impersonal. Lily set aside her note cards, shut her eyes briefly and made a picture of Crystal in her mind.
“I was eight years old when I met my best friend,” she said, then opened her eyes again. “She was thirteen and had no intention of being my best friend or anything but my babysitter. That came later—the friendship. And it’s lasted a lifetime—” Lily paused, taking a breath and trying to keep her voice from wavering. “When I was small, I thought she knew everything. Twenty-two years later, I know it’s finally true. Thanks to her beautiful children, she knows the joys and triumph of living a life filled with love. And that’s all anyone ever needs to know, isn’t it?” Lily was surprised by the words coming out of her. This wasn’t in her notes. Her notes contained a résumé of Crystal’s accomplishments, a loving salute to her character. It was too late to backtrack now, and because of all the other tributes, she’d promised to keep hers short. She paused again and focused on the children. Edna had taken Ashley away when she started fussing. Charlie sat unmoving, staring straight ahead. Next to her, Sean wore a curiously similar expression. Cameron seemed angry, almost defiant as he shifted restlessly in his seat.
Lily had been gratified to see students and teachers from the high school, but they looked ill at ease, shifting and whispering in the back rows, clearly wishing they could be somewhere else. She hadn’t spotted Greg Duncan and found that disappointing. As Cameron’s golf coach, he should have been there, but that was Greg for you.
“I can’t find any meaning in the way my friend died,” she said. “Maybe I’m supposed to, perhaps one day I will. For me the meaning is in her life, not in her death. I loved Crystal Baird Holloway. For the rest of my life, I will live to celebrate that friendship.” She cleared her throat, the knot of pain nearly stopping her breath. “Goodbye, Crystal. You live in the hearts of those who loved you.”
Dr. Sachs, the grief counselor, had told Lily that medication was available if she felt she needed it. As she stepped down from the podium, she found herself wishing she had taken advantage of the offer.
As she left the podium, Charlie’s requested song was played. Kermit the Frog singing “Rainbow Connection” might have seemed ludicrous under the circumstances, but for some reason, the song’s subtlety, wistfulness and simple message struck the perfect note.
Lily put on a brave smile for Charlie and Cameron, although inside, she was a broken wreck. Sean Maguire offered his hand to help her into the pew. Hers was ice