you want at the service, some certain music or a particular reading.”
“What kind of music? What kind of reading?” asked Charlie with fear in her eyes.
“Something short, maybe from the Bible or from a book you’ve read, to comfort you. Maybe a special song, too,” Lily said.
“I don’t like to read,” said Charlie.
“Usually someone else does the reading.”
“I like Trumpet of the Swan,” Charlie suggested.
Cameron snorted. “Not that sort of reading.”
Lily put her hand on his sleeve to shut him up. It worked. Cameron stared out the window. Charlie studied her pink sneakers.
“You don’t have to think up something right away,” Sean said. “Tell us later if you think of anything, okay?”
All three kids were eerily subdued, chastened. Even the baby was quiet and watchful, understanding nothing but sensitive to everyone’s mood. Sean did his best to explain what was going to happen, then said that he and Red had to go out and meet with the people who were going to plan the funeral. It was surreal, the idea of going to a funeral parlor and figuring out how to bury his brother. The urge to run was strong.
“When will you be back?” asked Charlie.
For once in his life, he wasn’t free to run away. He tamped down the urge. “Later tonight, after you’re asleep. Lily’s staying with you tonight.”
“Lily,” said the baby, pointing with authority.
“I’ll be staying here all week,” Lily said. “The class will have a substitute teacher, and you and Cameron can stay home from school.” She glanced at Cameron. “That is, if you want to.”
“I don’t mind skipping a week of school,” he said.
Carrying the baby, Lily went to the door with Red and Sean.
“You call me if you need anything,” Sean said.
“I will.”
Red handed her his card. “Same here. And listen, is there anything you think Crystal would have wanted? You know, for the service.”
Lily bit her lip. “She loves flowers. All kinds. And pink. Pink’s her favorite color. I’ll let you know about the music later.”
“We’ll do our best,” said Sean.
As he walked away from the quiet house, Sean wished he could have stayed. He wished he could’ve done anything but the grim business of seeing to the funeral of these kids’ parents. He glanced back to see Lily standing at the door, both arms around the baby like a shield. She had a determined set to her chin, and the breeze plucked at her hair. Sean lifted his hand in a halfhearted wave. She didn’t wave back, but turned and went inside, closing the door firmly behind her.
“I remember meeting her a time or two, back when Crystal and Derek were married,” Red said, noticing Sean’s look. “Don’t know her well, but I bet that pruny uptight attitude isn’t her. She’s hurting. Bad.”
“Yeah, well, she’s not the only one. She’s the least of my worries.”
Red got in the rental car, which already smelled like his favorite cigars. “Think again, kid. Either get her on your side or prepare yourself for a fight.”
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”
“Maybe nothing. Now, about the Redwing tournament—”
“It’s out.”
“I know it’s out. Everything’s out until we get through this.”
Sean hated the thought that flashed through his head. Leave it to Derek to screw up my shot.
chapter 19
Saturday
7:05 p.m.
When Sean and Red finished their meeting with the funeral director, he came home and there was a changing of the guard. Lily promised she’d return shortly, then stepped out into the cool, damp night. For the first time in hours, she took a deep, unencumbered breath. She couldn’t believe how physically exhausted she felt. What had she done all day but pace and worry?
As she drove home, a feeling of escape pervaded her senses. She was on her own once again, in charge of her own life. If she chose, she could drive right past the turnoff to her street and head to the next town, to Portland, to the airport.
The fantasy flared like a brief fire, then was quickly doused by reality. Escape was not an option. She didn’t belong to herself anymore. She belonged to three orphaned children who were even more lost than she was.
She let herself into the quiet, empty house. Everything was as she’d left it, Bull Durham in the DVD player, a map of Italy spread out on the coffee table, a glass of wine sitting nearby. Slowly and deliberately she folded the map shut.
While she was throwing a few things in a bag, she was startled by the sound of the