noticed her absence. Would she be like one of those forgotten, friendless people you sometimes read about in the paper? She used to savor her independence and solitude. Now that she’d had a taste of family life, she wanted something else. And it had been so close, within her grasp. Sean had wanted just one thing from her, just her cooperation in dealing with Greg Duncan. Why hadn’t she given him that? Love was supposed to be about compromise. Surely they could have found a solution that worked for everyone.
A dozen times she reached for the phone, then changed her mind. She was terrible at this. She didn’t know how to be a woman in love, and she certainly didn’t know how to deal with the aftermath of a quarrel.
The thirteenth time she picked up the phone, the doorbell rang. Lily nearly jumped out of her skin. Then she laughed aloud. He’d come back.
With a broad smile on her face, she flipped on the porch light and opened the door. “Oh,” she said, her heart plummeting. “Hi, Mom and Dad.” She offered them dutiful hugs and invited them in.
“We decided to drive down for the tournament,” her father said. “Violet told us it was a big deal.”
“Vi told you to come?”
Her mother made a sound of impatience. “No, your father said she told us it was a big deal—for you. So we decided to come.”
“We have a room at the Hampton,” her father added. “Have you had dinner yet?”
Dinner. She had fixed dinner for Sean but they hadn’t gotten that far tonight. “Tell you what,” she said with false brightness. “Let’s see what we can scrounge up here.”
The three of them went to the kitchen. When Lily put out the dinner she’d prepared—caprese salad, pasta with a lobster and cream sauce—Sharon raised her eyebrows. “This doesn’t look like scrounging to me.”
Lily’s father nodded. “You’re overdressed for scrounging, too.”
She gave a short laugh. “I can’t believe you’re criticizing me for that.” Two years ago, when she’d declared to the world that she would never marry, Lily had started a collection of colorful Italian dishes from Scala. She served her parents in the dining room, treating them like honored guests. She herself had no appetite whatsoever, and it didn’t take her mother long to notice.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Nothing.” Lily struggled to put up the old wall, the one that used to protect her, but she’d lost the knack.
“You’ve always said that, all your life,” her father pointed out.
“Because you’ve never wanted to know the truth,” Lily blurted out, surprising all three of them with her candor.
“Why on earth would you think that?” her mother asked.
“You want to think I’m fine, and Violet’s fine, that everything is peachy and always has been in this family.”
Her parents exchanged a mystified look. “That’s not so,” her father said, and her mother added, “We’ve always dealt realistically with whatever problems come our way.”
“Then why did we never deal with Evan?” Lily asked. There. She’d said it. She’d dared to mention the elephant in the corner of the room, the one they all knew was there but no one talked about. This time, she wasn’t going to let them change the subject.
“There’s no ‘dealing’ to be done,” her mother said. “You never get over a loss like that.”
“And you let it ruin your marriage and make a mess of your kids,” Lily pointed out.
“I can’t imagine why you’d think that,” her father said.
“We’ve been married thirty-five years, and you and your sister are doing fine.”
Lily pressed her sweaty palms on the table, as though to brace herself. “I can’t speak for you and Mom and I can’t speak for Vi. But I’m not fine. I’m not. I can’t even tell the man I love that I love him.”
“How is this our fault?” Her father took a handkerchief from his pocket and polished his glasses.
“It’s not, but I’ve always felt responsible for Evan’s death.” Lily heard herself whisper the words, yet she couldn’t believe her own ears. “Why do you suppose that is?”
The room became a vacuum of shocked silence. Her father started to speak, but her mother reached across the table and touched his hand to stop him. “Terence, let me tell her. She’s right, you know. We were never happy after Evan died. We just…were. But Lily, I never blamed you. How can you think that? I blamed myself. You, I could forgive. Myself, never. And there’s no one meaner than a mother who can’t