an inappropriate observation. Or maybe not. With Maura gone, he was a free agent once again, sort of. A free agent with three kids.
As he took a seat at a low, round table, he noticed that all the desks, with chairs upended, were aligned in four rows of six. Every bulletin board display had a hand-lettered sign: Our Changing World. Fractions Are Fun. Manners Matter. Today’s lesson was still up on the board: “Things We Remember on Memorial Day.”
Everything here was excruciatingly neat, earnest and sincere, just like Lily. This classroom explained more about who Lily Robinson was than an FBI profile.
Then, when she opened a closet behind her desk and started rummaging around, he realized she’d managed to surprise him again. Behind the door was utter chaos, an almost kidlike disorder of brightly colored art supplies, Post-it notes stuck all over the place, a set of Mickey Mouse ears and what looked like a kimono on a hook behind the door. She caught him inspecting the closet and gave a nervous laugh. “My creative outlet,” she said. “Keeping these children engaged takes some creativity. This is a toga I wear when I teach them Roman numerals.”
“What’s the pig nose for?”
“Literature, of course.”
So he still hadn’t figured her out. There were layers of complexity to this woman, and against his will, he found himself wanting to explore them.
She opened a file folder and turned it toward him. “I have a bit of good news. She’s doing better in math,” she said. “This is a unit test we took on Wednesday.”
“Eighty-three percent,” he said, looking over the pages. “Not too shabby.”
“She seems to like fractions and money.” She tapped a pencil idly.
“I like money, too. Fractions I can do without.”
“Yes, well, a strong conceptual understanding of fractions is essential—”
“Lily.” He stopped the tapping pencil.
She looked up at him, her eyes startled behind the eyeglasses. “Yes?”
“I was kidding.”
“Oh.” She looked more flustered than ever. “Now, I want to go over this reading inventory with you.”
He thought about telling her he could already read just fine, but she never seemed to get his humor. “All right, shoot.”
“Well, I’m somewhat encouraged. A month ago she was struggling with sound-letter combinations and her comprehension was very low. She’s still below grade level in most areas, but she’s showing genuine improvement. Charlie says you’ve been reading aloud to her every night.”
“Yes, that’s true. She’s a big fan of Golf in the Kingdom.”
“I’d venture to say she’s a big fan of you. I’ll bet you could read her the phone book and she’d pay attention. She told me that she’s feeling better about the situation.” Clearly pleased, she went through the rest of the work in the folder. Across the board, Charlie was trailing behind, but doing better. “I think you’re doing a good job.”
Sean felt a cold tightness inside him. “I’m not.”
“Not what?”
“Not doing a good job.”
“I just showed you the inventory—”
“Screw the inventory.”
She flinched.
“Look,” he said, “you can check off all the lists you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that Charlie’s still way behind, Cameron’s into vandalism and the baby can’t figure out what to call me. So I’d hardly call that a good job.” Agitated, he got up and paced. “It’s all screwed up. Their parents died and there’s no damned inventory for that. I’m trying to do this right, but I can’t fill that empty space.” He felt as though he was on a knife’s edge, trying to balance the immense loss with some sense of hope.
She looked startled, maybe a little scared. “Sean…I appreciate your honesty. Have you talked to Dr. Sachs about this?”
“Hell, yes, I’ve talked to her. I’ve talked until I’m blue in the face. She claims I’ll see improvement over time, but these kids are living their lives now, they’re suffering now. She wants to send me to a support group, like Parents Without Partners, but how the hell do I find the time to go to a support group?”
“I don’t know what to tell you, what more I can do. I can’t wave a wand and suddenly make everything better. No one can. But we can work on fixing this. Charlie, for example. The signs of improvement are encouraging.”
“She ought to be spiraling downhill, but you say she’s doing better.”
“It’s a positive sign no one expected. A welcome sign,” she added. “The main reason I wanted to talk to you today is to discuss plans for the summer. It’s my opinion that Charlie needs intensive remediation