soft spikes, added them to the box. He’d miss the sex, he decided. Yeah, he’d miss that.
He stopped working for a moment and studied Maura. Her eyes looked as lonely as they had the day he’d met her. Back then, they had seemed like a great match. He’d been footloose and flexible, living on the surface, looking out for number one. He was a different person now. He had a different life. The personal cost of Derek’s death belonged to Sean. This was something he’d discussed with the social worker in charge of the kids. He did have a choice, she assured him. No one could force him to take over Derek’s responsibilities.
There was no force involved, he’d discovered. His heart belonged to his inherited family, a fact he found both painful and joyous. “This is my life now,” he told Maura simply. “It’s who I am.”
She nodded, and he saw her swallow hard. “I really do love you,” she said, and the tears started to fall. “And I could learn to love this family, but I can’t take on three kids right now, maybe never.”
You didn’t learn to love these kids, he thought. You just did. Sean saw no point in trying to explain that to her.
Maura’s shoulders shook as she cried. Maybe she really did care about him, but since moving in with Derek’s kids, he’d learned a lot about the meaning of caring and commitment.
Maura was just following the usual pattern. Women loved him and they left him. That was the way it worked.
chapter 33
“You got some lipstick in your purse, Miss Robinson?” asked Charlie, hovering around her desk at dismissal time. “Or maybe in the drawer here?”
Lily frowned slightly. “Do you need to borrow some?”
“No way. I mean, no thank you.” Charlie looked disheveled at the end of the day, but in a good way. Her uncle had given her hair the Heidi look today, braids crisscrossed over the top of her head. Now stray tendrils had sprung loose around her face. “So have you got a comb somewhere?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“I figured you might want to freshen up, is all. You know, on account of my uncle Sean’s coming this afternoon for the conference.”
“He’s…why, yes, he is, isn’t he?” Lily felt a funny little spike of panic. She’d completely forgotten.
She checked her planning book, which lay open on her desk. Sure enough, it was this afternoon. Memorial Day was practically upon them, and the class was doing a major project at the veterans’ cemetery in Tigard.
She helped Charlie with her backpack. “Isn’t your Brownie troop meeting in the cafeteria this afternoon?”
“Yes. I did a crappy job with my badges, though, see?” She showed Lily the brown sash, its badges fastened haphazardly with safety pins.
“Maybe I could help you with it over the weekend, but you have to promise you won’t say that crude word anymore.”
“What, crappy?”
“Let’s make that the last time, Charlene Louise.”
“Yes, ma’am. Uncle Sean used to say the s-word all the time, but he switched to cr…the other one when Ashley started saying ‘shit,’ too.”
At least he was trying, Lily acknowledged.
“That’s a nice pin,” Charlie said, clearly stalling as she indicated the small silver brooch Lily wore on her collar. “What is it?”
“A student gave it to me one year,” Lily said, touching the brooch. “It’s the owl and the pussycat and the runcible spoon. Remember the poem by Edward Lear—we learned it last Valentine’s Day. ‘They dined on mince, and slices of quince…’”
“‘Which they ate with a runcible spoon,’” Charlie filled in.
“You have a good memory.”
“It’s just Uncle Sean who’s coming.”
Lily paused in straightening the papers on her desk. “Yes. It’s right here on my agenda.”
“I mean, he’s coming alone,” Charlie said with a meaningful look. “Without Maura.”
“I see.” She didn’t, of course. She straightened the already neat pile of papers.
Charlie pushed her thumb thoughtfully at her lower lip. “Cameron said she either ditched him or dumped him, I can’t remember which.”
“What are you talking about?”
“She went back to her apartment to water the plants and never came to see us again. I didn’t do anything bad, did I?” Charlie’s eyes widened with sudden fear.
Lily could have smacked Maura Riley just then. Didn’t she know better than to flit in and out of a child’s life with no consistency whatsoever? Didn’t she realize what that would do to a child like Charlie?
Masking a stab of anger, Lily touched Charlie’s cheek with the back of her hand. The girl’s skin was so