“Christ, Eva.” I pressed harder, flattening my body against her. “How am I not supposed to feel threatened by that?”
“You’re supposed to trust me. I told you because I didn’t want you to get weird vibes and jump to conclusions. I wanted to be honest about it so you wouldn’t feel threatened. I know I’ve got some stuff to work out in my head. I’m going to see Dr. Travis this weekend and—”
“Shrinks aren’t a cure-all!”
“Don’t yell at me.”
I fought the urge to slam my fist into the plaster behind her. My wife’s blind faith in the healing properties of therapy frustrated the hell out of me. “We’re not running to a damned doctor every time we’ve got a problem. It’s you and me in this marriage. Not the goddamned psychiatric community!”
Her chin lifted, her jaw taking on the determined slant that drove me crazy. She never gave me an inch unless my c**k was inside her. Then she gave me everything.
“You may think you don’t need help, ace, but I know I do.”
“What I need is you.” I cupped her head in my heads. “I need my wife. And I need her thinking about me and not some other guy!”
“You’re making me wish I hadn’t said anything.”
My lip curled in a sneer. “I knew how you felt. I’ve seen it.”
“God. You jealous, crazy . . .” She moaned softly. “Why don’t you understand how much I love you? Brett’s got nothing on you. Nothing. But honestly, I don’t want to be around you right now.”
I felt her resistance, the pushback of her trying to get away. I clutched her like a lifeline. “Can’t you see what you’re doing to me?”
Eva softened in my arms. “I don’t get you, Gideon. How can you just flip a switch and turn your feelings off? Knowing how I feel about Corinne, how could you throw her in my face like that?”
“You’re the reason I breathe, I can’t turn it off.” I slid my mouth across her cheek. “I think of nothing but you. All day. Every day. Everything I do, I do with you in mind. There’s no room for anyone else. It kills me that you have room for him.”
“You’re not listening.”
“Just stay the hell away from him.”
“That’s avoidance, not a solution.” Her fingers dug into my waist. “I’m broken, Gideon, you know that. I’m piecing myself back together.”
I loved her just the way she was. Why wasn’t that enough?
“Thanks to you I’m stronger than I’ve ever been,” she went on, “but there are still cracks, and when I find them, I have to figure out what made them and how to seal them up. Permanently.”
“What the f**k does that mean?” My hands pushed beneath her top, seeking her bare skin.
She stiffened and pushed at me, rejecting me. “Gideon, no . . .”
I sealed my mouth over hers. Lifting her off her feet, I took her to the floor. She struggled and I growled, “Don’t fight me.”
“You can’t just screw our problems away.”
“I just want to screw you.” My thumbs hooked into the waistband of her shorts and shoved them down. I was frantic to be in her, possessing her, feeling her surrender. Anything to drown out the voice in my head telling me I’d f**ked up. Again. And this time, I wouldn’t be forgiven.
“Let me go.” She rolled onto her stomach.
My arms banded around her h*ps when she tried to crawl away. She could throw me off as she’d been trained to and she could cut me off with a word. Her safe word . . .
“Crossfire.”
Eva froze at the sound of my voice and the one word meant to convey the riot of emotions she shattered me with.
It was in that eye of the storm that something snapped. A fierce and familiar quiet exploded within me, silencing the panic shaking my confidence. I stilled, absorbing the sudden absence of turmoil. It had been a long time since I’d last felt the dizzying switch between chaos and control. Only Eva could rock me so deeply, sending me hurtling back to a time when I’d been at the mercy of everything and everyone.
“You’re going to stop fighting me,” I told her calmly. “And I’m going to apologize.”