"I said a decent one. You and her both, terrible taste."
She shoved him playfully. "Do not."
"You do. Terrible. And Genna, she…" He trailed off, shaking his head, like he was trying to shake off the memories. "She dated this one guy, Jackson, who let her take the fall for a stolen car. My father paid him to go away, and he did. He left her high and dry, didn't think twice about it. That's how little he valued her. She couldn't compete with a paycheck. And then she traded him in for a Barsanti. Couldn't get any more terrible."
"You're not a terrible guy," Gabriella said, "and I hate to break this to you, but neither is Matty. He was decent. He was never the kind of guy to let a woman take the fall."
"Just the kind to get them killed, right?"
Ouch. Gabriella didn't know what to say. She knew what she wanted to say, but saying that was too dangerous. So she just sat there, mouth shut, torn between wanting to hug Dante and wanting to punch him in the junk.
"Look, I'm sorry," he said. "I shouldn't have said that. It wasn't fair. It just…"
He trailed off, not finishing his thought.
"It hurts?" she guessed.
He nodded.
Reaching over, Gabriella ran her hand along his spine, rubbing his back overtop his shirt. He'd woken up to find his world shattered, and she'd been there when it happened, remembering vividly the moment he cracked. She'd watched him come apart at the seams, but she'd done nothing to stop it from happening, nothing to slow his unraveling.
If anyone was terrible, it was her. She was letting him destroy himself over a lie when she knew the truth.
"Nobody talks about her," he said, his voice quiet. "It's like she didn't matter to anyone, but she did to me. She does to me. She's my fucking sister. You know? But that's not the worst part. The worst part is not knowing. It doesn't feel real because of that. None of it does. It doesn't make sense, and maybe it never will, but she doesn't feel gone. I keep looking for her. I keep waiting for her. Some part of me expects her to show up. Maybe that's stupid, but I can't shake the hope."
"It's not stupid," Gabriella whispered.
"Hell, maybe I'm just stupid," he continued. "Because she'd be here. If she were still out there somewhere, she'd be here. There's no doubt in my mind. Nothing would've stopped her from contacting me. So I know… I know… but I just don't feel it. I can't accept her being gone."
Gabriella briefly closed her eyes, having to turn away from him, steadily rubbing his back and hoping he didn't notice her reaction. "Saying goodbye's hard, especially when there's no one to say goodbye to."
He laughed under his breath, his eyes glossy, swimming with tears. "Where'd you get that nugget of wisdom? A fortune cookie?"
"No, that came from experience. My brother."
"Chazz."
"Yeah, did you know him?"
"Heard about him. They tell his story different over here, though, than what you said about him."
They'd declared it a suicide, considering he'd jumped off a bridge. Case closed, no investigation needed. But she'd known her brother. She'd known him better than anyone. The moment she found out he'd plunged into the water, she knew there was more to the story. Her brother had been invincible. It wasn't until his body surfaced that her hope faded, so she understood Dante.
"It doesn't matter what people say or what they think. Everyone has an opinion, but I refuse to let it affect my reality."
"Must be nice."
"What?"
"Trusting your own instincts. Believing something so deeply that nothing can change your feelings."
"You don't feel that way?"
"Used to," he said. "Now I don't know. My reality makes no sense. Spent my whole life fighting for something, fighting against someone, and I'm not sure why. What did I get? My house isn't a home, my family is fucked up, and there's nowhere I belong. I probably shouldn't even be here."
Gabriella rested her head against his shoulder. "Yeah, you probably shouldn't."
Dante wrapped his arm around her, pulling her to him, her head shifting against his chest. Tingles shot through her, her eyes closing when he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
"Where did you go?" she asked. "While I was in the shower?"
"I had to pay for the car, remember? Figured I'd wire the money while you were occupied."