bloody dangerous to limit myself to only a few halfhearted hookups a week, but Anna has ruined me with a craving for something far more substantial. She possesses the only thing that can fill the deep void within me, and nothing else comes close.
It’s been over two months since I’ve seen her. When I caught sight of Jay at a party last week I was caught in a moment of desperation.
“Heard about the Halloween field party, mate?” I’d asked. Good ole Jay lit up at the invitation, just as I’d counted on. I’m not certain he’ll bring Anna, but it’s worth a try.
She probably won’t come, smart girl that she is. Halloween is one of the demons’ favorite nights of the year to whisper their sweet nothings.
I didn’t let Father see the Halloween costume I’d rented. It’s the ultimate way to hide from people. Only one girl will be able to recognize me in this giant gorilla costume. She’ll see an ape with a red badge.
Halloween has always been my favorite holiday: people dressing in ways they normally wouldn’t dare. Inhibitions down, even without drugs and alcohol, and dark exhilaration in the air. Tonight is no different as I scan the field of laughing people, but I don’t feel the buzz I normally do on this night.
The gorilla head smells rank, and it’s hot inside this damned thing. Between my nerves and the lack of ventilation, I’m sweating. I look through the mesh eyes at the crowd. There must be several hundred people there to see the five bands play. Not our band tonight, though I’m certain Raj, Michael, and Bennett are around here somewhere.
I focus my eyes, pulling each face into clear view from across the field. I wonder what Anna’ll be wearing. I imagine her in a sexy angel outfit—the irony would be our secret.
My gaze halts on the fuzzy blond head of Jay with an eye patch, and a fake parrot propped on his shoulder. Next to him is a small green witch wearing a ratty black wig and pointy hat, with a badge at her sternum only I can see. I grin to myself inside the mask as cool relief floods my system.
She’s here.
I won’t approach her. I don’t know how she feels anymore. A lot can change in two months, especially when I’ve done my best to push her away. She deserves better.
I feel the burn rise when I think of Kopano. Makes me want to rip off the gorilla head so I can breathe easier, but I’m not in the mood to be recognized by anyone other than Anna.
Kope is quite possibly the only man on earth worthy of Anna, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let him have her when her love’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted. Impossible thoughts plague me. Impossible desires. Dangerous dreams.
I watch Anna now as she glances down at herself, then crosses her arms, looking self-conscious of her chest in the tight black dress. I have a spanking good view of Anna’s side profile. My gaze outlines the curve of her back down to her waist, landing on her round arse. A deep, intoxicating stir is triggered within me. Good thing this ruddy costume is roomy.
My thoughts sober and my pulse spikes when I realize she’s looking at me now, recognizing me. I don’t move. We stare for what feels like forever before she finally waves. I’m overcome with joy at this simple acknowledgment. I lift a paw and chuckle at Anna’s greenness. A girl I hadn’t noticed before grabs Anna’s hand and says something. I focus my hearing on them.
“—Who are you waving at?” the girl asks. She’s dressed like a provocative Minnie Mouse.
“Um, that big monkey,” Anna says. “I think he’s staring at us.”
Correction, dear. I’m only staring at you.
They both watch me expectantly, so I lift an arm and scratch the furry armpit, which makes them laugh. I think I recognize the girl as the one Anna was dancing with at that lake party ages ago. I still love thinking about how I stole her away from that wanker in the bedroom that night, and the look on his face. It’s one of my few prized memories.
Anna turns away from me and starts chewing on her nail. She’s not coming over, the stubborn thing, but I’m too greedy not to see her face-to-face while I can. I won’t talk to her for long. Just a moment. Just to get my fix. And then I can