I am so deeply ensnared in her angel voodoo. I know I should run. I should drop her at the nearest hotel and leave her far behind like the ticking bomb she is, but I feel as if I physically can’t. A new craving has taken root and the deepest part of me salivates for it. I can’t leave her yet.
Just a bit longer, I tell myself. I promised Patti I’d get Anna to this nun and to Duke Belial, and then I will leave her for good and get my mind right again.
However, for now I think I’ll let myself indulge in this new sensation while I can. I feel as if I’m carrying some epic secret, and the only reason I’m safe is that nobody else will ever know. It’s so rare to feel anything different, anything positive, and this is most definitely out of the ordinary. Shiny. New. Amazing.
Temporary.
In our room I change into basketball shorts and flop onto my bed.
“We could go for a swim,” I suggest.
“Didn’t bring a bathing suit,” she tells me.
Damn. I don’t suppose the hotel allows skinny-dipping.
“Kaidan . . .” Her sweet voice sails over me, relaxing me. “What happened to all of the Nephilim? Why are there so few of us now?”
So much for feeling relaxed. She will not let this subject go until I tell her. Yes, she needs to know our Nephilim history, but I hate seeing how it affects her. Female tears are one of my least favorite substances in creation.
I sigh and move to sit next to her. She listens raptly as I explain the Great Purge—the killing of every Neph on earth over one hundred years ago—and the measures the Dukes have since taken to keep our numbers at bay.
Anna covers her mouth in horror as it sinks in. “They sterilize them?” There’s shock and question in her eyes.
“Yes, me too,” I say. “All of us had the procedure.” I’d been eleven when Father flew a Neph doctor from India to our London home to give me a vasectomy. My body had burned through the pain meds faster than the doctor could administer them. I cringe as I recall it.
Anna becomes angry and indignant now. She jumps to her feet to pace and turn away from me, but I can see in the way she wraps her arms around herself that she’s crying. I lie back against the headboard.
“I knew it would only upset you,” I say with regret.
“Of course it upsets me! Doesn’t it upset you?”
She looks right at me, full of passion about the things I don’t let myself ponder.
“There’s no use wasting time thinking about things that can’t be changed.”
She comes back over and sits next to me, pulling her knees up to her chin and sliding her feet under the blanket. I want to comfort her with my arms, because I don’t have the words to make any of this right. I move closer, talking low, and take her hand into mine.
She watches our hands together—the way I trace her small fingers and thumb. I want her to look up at me.
Look at me, lovely Anna.
We’re so close. I want a redo on our kiss. I want to do it properly this time, and stay in control of the beast. I want to own that gorgeous mouth for as long as she’ll let me. I want to roll around the bed with her, completely clothed, testing the limits of my control for this girl until she’s ready for more.
Her heartbeat is visible in the soft skin at her neck—fast and hard. I’m making her nervous. With disappointment, I raise her hand to my mouth and kiss the pad of her thumb. Then I let her go and stand. I’m shocked by how good I feel, even with the low rumble of constant pain plaguing me.
“Get some rest,” I say.
She scrambles under the covers and hides her face. I wish I could see her colors.
I climb into my own bed, though I’m not at all tired. My skin is prickling with energy and the low throb of pain pulses in my abdomen. Can I truly go a whole day without feeding the beast? Today, I feel as if I can fight it. I feel like I can take on the world. For the first time ever, I want to attempt not to work.
“Kaidan?” she whispers.
My pulse sprints. “Yes?”
“I’m not trying to judge. I’m just curious. Um . . . are you