experience. I move my hips and nuzzle myself between her legs. She lets me. I watch her mouth open for a silent gasp of air when I circle my hips against her to make sure she’s ready.
And because I still feel like I haven’t said enough—because I need to prove just how momentous this is for me, I bash down the barriers I’ve kept up for eight years, unleashing my aura for Anna to see. I shiver as I bare myself, and I feel Anna holding me tighter. I want her to see my love, like I saw hers once upon a time.
“Oh . . . ,” she whispers. “It’s beautiful.”
I shake my head. Only one thing deserves that word. “You’re beautiful.”
She wraps her leg around me and I move my hips until I find her.
We arch, slowly, and Anna gasps. Her hands go around my lower back, holding me tight.
I move slowly. So slow.
Oh, dear God. It is killing me to go slow.
Her eyes shut and I stop. She opens them and nods. “I’m okay.”
I move again, slowly, gritting my teeth, watching her eyes. I move a bit more, ignoring my bastardly instincts not to be gentle. Her eyes flutter and a whimper escapes, but she quickly meets my eyes again and says, “Don’t stop.”
I fight for breath. Slow movements.
There. My hips are flush against hers and we’re both breathing heavily. She lets out a breathy sound of joy and I grin at her. My wife.
I kiss her. She keeps one hand on my back and the other in my hair as the kiss deepens. My hips begin a slow circular motion, grinding gently against her. Anna breaks the kiss to catch her breath and let out a moaning, “Oh, my gosh, Kai.”
Everything we’ve gone through has led to this moment.
For the first time in my life I make love, and my heart is full. And though I’ve been a man by society’s standards for a while now, this is the first time I’ve felt like one. I am Anna’s man. Her lover. Her husband. Her ally and friend.
Always.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Celebration Above
“The heart is a bloom, shoots up through the stony ground . . .
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow.”
—“Beautiful Day” by U2
I am immediately ready to go again when I wake in the middle of the night. I can’t remember the last time I slept so well. I reach for Anna in the darkness and bolt upright in the bed. She’s not there.
“Anna?”
It’s too quiet in the cabin. I leap from the bed and sprint to the bathroom, but she’s not in there, either. “Anna!” I wrench open the door to the outdoor shower—empty as well. I rush to the front door and realize I’m completely naked.
“Fuck!” I run back to the bedroom and flail through the clothing on the floor until I find a pair of shorts. My heart is banging in my throat. Did they take her while I slept?
I barrel through the front door barefooted and stare wildly around the darkened area. Forests. Road. No lights anywhere. I force myself to concentrate on my hearing, sending it out in a circle around me, slowly letting it extend outward, trying not to miss a single sound.
“Anna!” I call. I am fighting to breathe. “Anna!”
How could she disappear from under my nose? How could I let this happen?
I stop and stare toward the path that leads to the canyon. Yes. Footsteps. Maybe half a mile. The steps stop and it gets quiet. I take off running.
Jagged rocks and branches cut into my feet, but I can hardly feel their sting. My extended night vision is on high to make use of the tiny bit of moonlight. I still cannot sense anything up ahead. A minute later I think I hear a feminine giggle.
“Anna? Anna!” I race ahead faster now. Two seconds later I hear her call to me.
“Kai! It’s all right. I’m at the canyon!”
Christ Almighty, I’m about to have a heart attack. I’ve never run so fast. She sounds okay, but I have to see her for myself. I burst through the trees into a sudden open space and halt at the sight of a massive spirit, bright white. I nearly fall back, but Anna rushes to me.
“It’s okay,” she says, wrapping her arms around my heaving chest. I hold her, never taking my eyes off the exquisite spirit. It’s not Belial. It’s not a demon at all. Nor is it a warrior angel.
As