Shannon walked into her arms, embarrassment and shame smacking her from all directions. She wasn’t ashamed this woman was her mother. She was ashamed for Dora, for what she’d become, for the choices she’d made that led her to this. Thin arms wrapped around Shannon, arms that had once been strong and maternal. Her mother clutched her.
“Oh, baby. My baby. It is so good to see you again,” Dora said, her mouth closer to Shannon’s neck than she would have liked.
“It’s good to see you, too, Mom,” Shannon said, lying, but knowing it was only a white lie. It wouldn’t hurt anyone for her to say that.
“I’m so happy you’re here.” Another firm grip, then she felt the first drop from her mom’s eyes. A tear had fallen on Shannon’s bare shoulder as Dora embraced harder and tighter, as if she could graft her body onto Shannon’s and escape as a growth on her kid.
“All right, Prince. That’s enough,” the CO said, her command clear.
Shannon’s mom pulled away, and shot the woman a contrite look. “Sorry. I just missed my baby girl so much. She’s a dancer. Isn’t she lovely?” Her mom held out her arms to Shannon as if she were presenting her on Wheel of Fortune.
“Mom, stop,” Shannon said, embarrassed now for a whole new reason. She glanced at the woman. “We’re fine. We’ll sit down now.”
“Behave, Prince,” the woman warned as she shut the door, leaving Shannon alone with her mother. They sat at the gray plastic table, like the kind in a cafeteria.
“Baloney,” her mom said.
“Baloney?”
“That’s what they fed me the other day. Baloney on white bread. Can you believe it? Baloney.” Her mom brought her hand to her eyes, covering them, as if the memory of the cold cuts was too much to bear. “I hate baloney.”
“Tell them you hate it.”
“I tried. I asked for turkey. They don’t think I deserve turkey.”
“Did they say that?” Shannon asked.
Her mom raised her face. “They don’t have to. I can tell. They don’t like me here. They don’t like me at all.”
“Mom,” she said, doing her very best to sound comforting and caring, because that was all she could do. “Why would you say that?”
“Because.” Her mom clamped her lips shut, as if she was refusing to speak.
“Because why?”
“Because.”
Shannon held up her hands in defeat. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me.”
“Because of what happened,” her mom snapped out, like a wild dog.
“Because of why you’re here?” she asked gently, as if she were talking to a child who’d been caught skipping school.
Her mom shook her head, whipping it back and forth so rapidly she was a cartoon character in fast forward. “No. Not that. Not that at all. It’s because of the—” She stopped talking and jammed her fist in her mouth, biting hard on her knuckles.
Shannon cringed and reached for her mom’s hand, trying to remove it. It wouldn’t budge. She tried again. Her mom bit deeper. “Mom, stop that,” she said in a harsh whisper. “Your CO will come back and you’ll have to go. You’re making a scene.”
Her mom crunched, digging her teeth into the flesh of her hand.
“You’re going to draw blood. Stop!”
The door swung open.
“Enough, Prince,” the corrections officer barked.
Dora dropped her fist from her mouth, her shoulders sagging, her body going limp. The big woman held up her hand and raised her index finger. “One more shot, Prince. One more shot.”
“Okay,” her mom muttered.
Shannon dared to look. Her mom’s hand had deep grooves from her own teeth. Red and raw, on the cusp of bleeding. “What was that all about?” she asked, bewildered.
“Nothing,” her mom mumbled. “Just nothing.”
Shannon nodded, trying to digest everything that had gone wrong so far. Baloney obsession and gnawing her own fist in the first three minutes. Steeling herself for another painful visit, she fixed on her best happy face, and asked, “Are you still watching General Hospital?”
Dora’s eyes lit up. They sparkled with a mad kind of glee as she began rattling off couples, and plot lines, and twists and turns. Shannon let her talk, and let her share every spoiler, because that soothed the savage beast inside her mother.
After fifteen minutes of mindless chatter about TV and the meatloaf served last night, her mom asked about Shannon’s work, and Shannon told her the latest about her shows. Then, after they’d settled into a peaceful rhythm, Shannon broached the topic of the phone call. “You