A Sweet Mess - Jayci Lee Page 0,87

* *

Landon was grateful that his mind remained a clean slate, unfettered by thoughts or feelings. Even his breathing grew slower, subtler, like his body understood his need to play possum. The pain he was keeping at bay was too much for him to let in, so he just drove calmly and competently without a destination. Stop and go. Left and right.

He hadn’t realized it was already dark until his headlights came on. Then he saw without really noticing that the scenery looked familiar. His subconscious had led him back to the villa. Back to Aubrey.

There was no more hiding from it. Dragging in a ragged breath, Landon placed his head on the steering wheel. He couldn’t get the image of Aubrey’s face out of his mind, determination and heartbreak mingling with her unshed tears.

He should’ve stayed and talked to her. Whether he’d meant to or not, he’d hurt her. Strangers had scorned and judged her because of who he was. He’d had to distance himself from the rumors to protect their reputations and careers, but he’d also done it to protect her. He realized this was only the beginning. Gossip and rumors could get very ugly, very fast. If he didn’t deny their relationship, she could’ve been hurt more deeply.

Without warning, she’d become his dream. He wanted her to be his and only his. Every time he touched her, made love to her, he wanted more. He wanted—no, needed to know her, and he was desperate for her to know him. All of him. Despite everything, he wanted to hold on to her.

No. His hands wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, turning his knuckles nearly blue. If he held on to her, she would become another person he could fail. And lose.

He’d been daydreaming when he’d thought he could have her. He’d been willing to risk his reputation, security, and his duty to his family to have her. More egregiously, he’d been willing to risk her reputation and dream to keep her by his side. He’d allowed his selfishness and recklessness to taint his decisions. No more. He refused to be like his father. Landon couldn’t go public about his relationship with her. He couldn’t put everything Aubrey had fought so hard for in jeopardy just so he could hold on to her.

He couldn’t bear causing her pain, but more than that, he was afraid. That was his reality. He had to walk away. Pushing himself wearily out of the car, Landon walked to the front door. He could’ve spent the night at the schoolhouse if he’d wanted, but he’d come back to the villa. Until now, he hadn’t known he was a glutton for pain. His lips twisted into a bitter mockery of a smile.

With agitated stabs of his finger, he punched in the security code and let himself in. It was dark and silent inside as though it were unoccupied, and his stomach clenched with panic. Landon scanned the foyer and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Aubrey’s canvas backpack resting by the entryway.

That morning, he’d had a taste of what it would be like to lose Aubrey. A part of his soul had cracked. But by some miracle, the dream hadn’t fully taken root in his consciousness. He could still survive this as long as it ended now.

20

Aubrey heard Landon drive up to the villa and took a bracing breath. A few hours after Aria and Lucien had left, she’d finally snapped out of her stupor and began thinking very, very hard.

This couldn’t be the end. No matter what had happened that morning, she would fight for him. Her plan to confess her love had only been delayed, not derailed. She needed to apologize for flying off the handle earlier and tell him how much she loved him. Whatever held him back, she had to try to convince him to give them a chance.

Praying for courage, Aubrey took out the handblown glass bottle she’d gotten in Cambria and filled it with moonstones. With her hands shaking, she buried the first of the pregnancy tests deep inside and pushed the stopper closed. She walked to his room with fine tremors crawling down her spine and knocked. As she waited, she held on to the glass bottle for strength.

He opened the door and looked blankly at her as though he didn’t even recognize her.

“Landon.”

“Yes,” he said stoically, not bothering to move back from the doorway. He hadn’t turned the lights on in his bedroom. The only