A Sweet Mess - Jayci Lee Page 0,105
he could never go because he had to stay with Aubrey and their baby to love, cherish, and protect them. To shout from the rooftops he was theirs. If only they’d have him.
“I’m here.” He sat beside her and gathered her into his lap. “I’ll always be here. I’ll never let you go.”
After a long while, her sobs quieted, and she stayed in his arms. His breath caught in his throat with a rush of hope.
“I’ll spend the rest of my life cherishing you. If you’ll have me, I’m forever yours—body, heart, and soul.”
She sighed softly, warming his neck with her breath. He shivered and sat still, afraid she would disappear from his arms if he moved. Finally, she lifted her head and searched his face.
“Landon, what have you been doing to yourself?”
“Trying to survive, I guess. Trying not to feel, not to remember, not to hurt.” He released his breath in a shuddering sigh, relieved that she was talking to him again. His reflection in the mirror that morning had been gaunt and pale. Eating and sleeping hadn’t been on the top of his to-do list. “Mostly trying to keep myself away from you.”
“Why? Why didn’t you come for me sooner?”
“I couldn’t even let myself hope that there was a chance you’d take me back. I’d hurt you so badly. I was too ashamed and too scared to go to you. But the more time has passed, the clearer it has become that I can’t live without you.”
“I read your article in California Coast Monthly,” she said in a hushed tone.
“You did?” he said dumbly. He didn’t know what else to say. Did she know, then? Did she understand how much he loved her? Landon rubbed a hand down his face.
“You said you were hopelessly in love with the pastry chef. I’m assuming you meant me.”
“You. Only you. Always you.”
“Landon?”
“Hmm?” He was staring at her like the lovesick man he was. He shook his head to clear it. “Sorry. What is it?”
“You’ve been saying sorry a lot.”
“Because I am. I truly am.”
“No, I mean, you never say the actual word sorry. You always own your mistakes and do everything in your power to make things right, but I’ve never heard you say sorry before.”
“I never realized that.” Landon cocked his head to the side and wondered what she meant. Did he really never use that word? He believed mere lip service was meaningless without action. “An apology feels pointless when it doesn’t change anything. I guess I prefer to right my wrongs with actions rather than words.”
“Then why now?”
“I don’t know. I want you to know how miserable I am for hurting you. I wish my words, even if they don’t fix anything, could soothe your wounds. I can’t undo what I’ve done, but I want you to know I am sorry, and I want a chance to make up for it.”
“Hmm.” She nodded thoughtfully and glanced down at the hand she had pressed against his heart.
He followed her gaze, and his eyes fell on her rounded belly. Guilt twisted like a knife in his chest. “God, Aubrey. I had no idea. I should’ve been there for you. I didn’t know until I opened the bottle.”
“Even if you knew, I wouldn’t have wanted you to stay with me because of the baby.”
“No. It’s you I want. I’ll always want you. I’m ecstatic about our baby, but you are my life.” Unable to hold back, he cupped her smooth cheek in his hand. “Having a baby with you is icing on the cake. When I found out you were pregnant, I realized I’d been dreaming of having a family with you.”
Her shoulders rose and fell as she breathed deeply through her nose, and then she reached for his shaking hand and placed it on her stomach. For a moment, he felt nothing but the heat of her, and then a rounded edge nudged against his palm. Landon snatched his hand away, worried he’d startled the baby.
“Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”
“We’re both fine. I think she wants to say hello,” Aubrey said, some softness entering her voice.
“She?” His heart expanded with love he didn’t know he was capable of.
“Yes, we’re having a daughter. In just about three months.”
How could I be so happy? He didn’t deserve them, but he knew without a doubt that he couldn’t live without them. Landon’s neck and shoulders strained as though he were physically restraining the hope that was fighting to free itself within