Sweet Harmony (Harmony Falls #1) - Elizabeth Kelly Page 0,102
it. Even though she was there when Connor woke up after surgery this morning. Even though she heard what the surgeon said. She believed it.
The bitter laughter spilled out of him, harsh and horrific and unstoppable. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am,” she said. “Your hand will heal, and you’ll be back to work in no time.”
“You heard what the surgeon said. It’s bad, Kira. Really bad. Even with physical therapy, I may not be able to move my fingers. I can’t exactly be a dentist if I can’t move my fucking fingers.”
The panic was making him shout. Kira didn’t flinch. She sat beside him and rested her hand on his thigh. “It’s okay. That was a worse case scenario. He thinks it’ll be fine.”
“Thinks. Great. That’s just great. The surgeon thinking I’ll be fine makes me feel so much better,” he said.
“I know you’re scared, but I promise you that it will work out.”
“I can’t work for six weeks, Kira. And after the cast comes off… I may never be able to work as a dentist again. What part of that is working out? I have fucked my life.”
He took a deep breath. Even worse, he had fucked Kira’s life. Just like he’d fucked up Lisa’s. He’d done something incredibly stupid and now Kira was going to pay for it.
“You haven’t,” she said. “Grant is a good guy and he’s not going to end the partnership just because of an accident.”
More bitter laughter spilled out. “It wasn’t an accident, Kira. I fucked up because I’m an idiot. You’d think I would have learned, but apparently, I’m just a goddamn moron. I’ve ruined my life and yours.”
“Mine?” Kira blinked at him. “How on earth have you ruined my life?”
“Don’t act dumb,” he snapped. “If I can’t work as a dentist, what the hell am I gonna do? Work at goddamn Walmart? You really wanna be with a guy who can’t keep a career? What do you think your friends, your brother, will say when I’m working at a gas station because I blew my chance at a career again?”
“They don’t care what you do for a living. I don’t care,” Kira said. “I love you and I’ll love you whether you’re a dentist or not. It doesn’t matter to me, Connor. People make mistakes and -”
“I won’t drag you down with me. Lisa spent years with me being miserable and unhappy because I made a dumb mistake and because I was too weak to let her go. I won’t do the same thing to you.”
“I am not Lisa,” Kira said. “Don’t compare her to me, Connor. It isn’t fair.”
“What isn’t fair, is expecting you to live with the consequences of my stupid mistakes.”
“Stop it,” Kira said. “I love you and I’m with you through the good and the bad. That’s the way love works.”
He shook his head, staring numbly at the cast. “I’m not destroying your life the way I destroyed Lisa’s. You should go.”
“No,” she said. “You need me.”
“Please, just leave, Kira,” he said. “I don’t want to date you anymore.”
“You’re lying,” she said.
He looked away from her, the bile churning in his guts, the air like soup as he tried to drag it into his lungs. “I’m not. I won’t saddle you with my fucked-up life. We’re done. Please leave.”
“Connor, you don’t mean that.”
“I do.”
“You asshole,” she said. “You think that by driving me away you’re doing the right thing, the noble thing, but you’re not. You’re just being a damn coward. Do you hear me, Connor MacMillan? You’re a coward!”
She stood and stomped out of the living room. The door slammed and he pressed the back of his head into the couch, staring up at the ceiling as depression descended over him like a heavy shroud.
* * *
“Jesus, you look like hell.” Lucas unwrapped the garbage bag from Connor’s cast and tossed it in the garbage. “I thought getting your ass into the shower would help, but nope. Still looks like you’ve been marinating in a pile of shit for a few days.”
“Thanks,” Connor said. His hand was aching, and he rubbed his arm above the cast. “You know, I asked you to come by this weekend to help me, not insult me.”
“You have a perfectly lovely girlfriend who could be helping you and I’m pretty sure she would have kept the insults to a minimum,” Lucas said. “Why don’t I give her a call and ask her to come by.”