The Survivor - Cristin Harber Page 0,29
of the man by her side. The drop was less daunting than the way he looked at her.
Pigeons squawked. They took off and re-landed. She watched them settle, then summoned courage to look at him again. “You said something about recognizing me.”
He moved a hand to bat her words away, then stared at the city. “Forget I said it.”
Amanda rolled her lips together and wanted to tell him more. She wasn’t sure how much or what she was capable of putting into words. “Have you ever wanted to be someone else?”
He leaned forward and rested his arms on a barrier wire, then tilted his head her way. “I wanted to be a video game tester when I was a kid.”
Amanda laughed.
“I’m serious.”
He cleared his throat and shrugged as though Titan’s towers weighed his shoulders to the ground. “There was a time when I wished I could’ve switched places with someone.”
The heaviness of his sadness didn’t need to be explained. Even as he tried to hide the pain, his burden made itself known. Amanda wanted to comfort him. To touch his shoulder, to offer a hug. But the rules she lived by, the ones that protected the world from her…they didn’t take into account another person’s pain and burden. Dylan would’ve called her out on that—and he was probably the only person who would’ve been able to get her to see how selfish her behavior had been.
“I wish I could’ve switched places with someone, too,” she admitted. “Though, now that I think about it, I don’t think they would’ve been happy with…” Tears welled. She shook her emotion away. “I only meant to tell you that sometimes I think everything would be better if I wasn’t me.”
He inhaled and held it for a long time, letting his somberness evaporate. “You mean right now?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
The man tilted his head toward her. “Why?”
Amanda knotted her fingers in her lap and wasn’t sure how to elaborate without opening a flood of questions. “Anonymity would be easier for me.”
With a half-hitched grin, he shook his head. “I don’t know a thing about you, and trust me, you’re not making my life easy.”
“Hey.”
“But I like it,” he continued, “and I like you.”
Her eyes peeled. “You don’t even know me.”
“I’ve been trying, if you haven’t noticed.” He grinned in a way that made her heart skip. “That okay with you?”
She blushed and nodded, not trusting her voice.
“All right then. Good to know.” He repositioned. “What do you want to do?”
“With you?”
“Yeah.” He wriggled his eyebrows, intensifying the heat in her cheeks, but he playfully back-pedaled. “In general.”
She had no idea what possibilities could exist if she took a chance on him. I want to…make a friend? Jump him in the stairwell? Was there a middle ground that she couldn’t see? Amanda scanned the rooftop like she’d missed a billboard sign. “I don’t know how.”
“Unless you were someone else,” he offered.
She nodded. “I know that doesn’t make sense.”
“Let me see if I understand what you want.” His low voice reverberated down her spine, and she shivered. His eyes danced, tightening at the corners as though he were imagining the possibilities of what she might want. “It’d be easier for you to go out with me if you weren’t you.”
“Exactly.” A nameless night out! But wow, that sounded shady. “I mean …” Her ears and cheeks flamed. “What I meant was—”
“Hang on. I have an idea for you to consider.”
She couldn’t blame him if he propositioned her to go jump in bed. If he read between the lines, he might see that as what she wanted.
“What if you stay you,” he suggested, “but we stick to your no-name rule?”
“Really?” Her nerves pulsed with the possibility of opening herself up—actually being herself—without repercussions and preconceived assumptions. Arousal poured through her veins, and this had to be too good to be true. Her stomach plummeted. “Wait, I want to be clear,” she faltered, hoping she wouldn’t see disappointment. “I don’t want a booty call. That’s not—”
“I want dinner.” His smoldering expression teased. “Though I like where your mind jumped—”
“It didn’t!” Oh, she was a liar.
“Trust me.” The corners of his lips curled subtly. “My mind’s jumped there more than I should admit to you.”
Amanda fought to find the right words. Any words. Then she couldn’t stop them. “Why would you agree to an anonymous date?”
“Because you’re beautiful, and I like the way your eyes light up when you see me.”
Amanda curled her finger into the small of her throat.
“Because