He rushed to the kitchen and returned a moment later with an entire box. “Here,” he said. But instead of handing her the box, he took one out and dabbed at her eyes, completely disarming her.
She couldn’t hold back the tears now and let out a sob. He looked helpless and uncertain for only a moment before he wrapped his arms around her.
Gemma froze for a moment, not sure what to do, but he was solid and strong and offered comfort beyond measure. She finally wrapped her arms around him and let herself cry.
Her family was so careful around her, so solicitous. Margaret and Henry didn’t bring up the accident unless she did. They rarely even mentioned David’s name, though he was a constant presence at every family gathering.
She tried to be strong most of the time but it felt heavenly to lean on Joshua’s strength for a moment.
Still, she couldn’t stand here all night blubbering.
“I’m sorry,” she said after a moment and wiped at her eyes with a clean tissue. “I don’t know what came over me.”
“My mom says that sometimes a woman just needs a good, hard cry to clean out the cobwebs in her tear ducts.”
“Your mother sounds very smart.”
“She is. And she’ll be the first one to tell you so.”
To her surprise, she could feel some of the sadness leave her. She even managed a small smile. While she loved being held by him, Gemma had a feeling a little distance would make her story easier to share.
She wanted to share it with Joshua Bailey, though she couldn’t have said exactly why. She hadn’t even told any of her coworkers or new girlfriends in Haven Point the truth, but she wanted to talk about it with Joshua.
She returned to the easy chair and was grateful beyond words when Toby came with her and settled at her feet.
“David’s death devastated my family, as I’m sure you can imagine.”
Josh nodded. “I can. My youngest sister died during surgery for a congenital heart problem when she was a year old. My family never really recovered.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry.” It was an important reminder to her that everyone, no matter how good-natured and charming on the surface, could have deep pain in the past.
“Then you understand. In our case, it wasn’t only that my parents lost their son. As I’m sure you can imagine, when a title is involved, things can get messy. As the eldest, David was set to become the next Earl of Amherst when my father dies. David’s death means that responsibility automatically passes to my second brother, Ian, who already had a thriving career he loved and never wanted anything to do with the earldom.”
“And you blame yourself because Ian now has to give up his career.”
She should have expected he would cut straight to the heart of matters. “In a nutshell, yes.”
“Balderdash.”
The word was so unexpected coming from him—more like something her maiden aunt might have said—that Gemma had to laugh.
“Pardon?”
“I’d like to say something a little stronger but I’ll wait to use the full creative range of my vocabulary until we know each other a little better.”
His words sparked a little flare of anticipation inside her. She wanted a chance to get to know him better. Wanted it very much.
“My point is,” Joshua said, “you can’t possibly blame yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. Even the accounts in the newspapers I read back then said so. The truck driver fell asleep at the wheel. How could you possibly be responsible for that?”
Yes, she had heard that argument before. “I know that, intellectually. It’s hard to reconcile that with my heart, which can’t help but feel that my brother would be here today if only I had made different choices. If I had taken a different route home from the holiday party, if we had left ten minutes earlier or later. Or if I hadn’t been such a coward that I needed him to go to my company party with me in the first place.”
There it was, the thing she blamed herself for the most. Her own weakness.
In the flickering light from the fire, she didn’t miss the steady, probing look Joshua aimed at her. “I sense there’s more to that particular part of the story.”
So much more. She had never shared that with anyone else. Not even her parents. “You don’t want to hear it.”
“We’re trapped here together for at least the next twelve hours. The s’mores are