up on my screen. Macie would tell me to delete them. As if that could make it all go away. As if I could erase my memory of Bennet and Little Bear with just a click. It’s not going to be that easy.
I thought I’d found easy. I thought I’d found it with Bennet. But nothing is ever easy. I learned that lesson when Dad walked out, and there’s no reason to unlearn it now.
Me: sorry, nat. things got out of hand. obviously. calloway came home, and i just needed to get away. i’ll text later once i know what’s next for me. enjoy the rest of your summer, what’s left of it. kiss lu for me if you see her. sorry if i ruined your party.
My thumb hovers over the keyboard for a while. I consider acknowledging her comments about Bennet. Maybe I should have her pass on a message to him, too. But I can’t go there.
It makes my heart hurt to hit send, but I do it. Then I cover my head with my pillow and go back to sleep.
That evening, Andrew and I settle into our usual table at our usual Italian restaurant and order our usual entrees. At first, I wasn’t really up for it, but Andrew thought it was best to get back to normal life as quickly as possible. I decided he was right. Time to get back in the game.
Still, I suggested we try someplace new. Mom mentioned a Thai restaurant down by the river, but Andrew said that Bella Luna had always been good to us, and “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” As someone else once said, Andrew was nothing if not predictable. That used to be a good thing. It could still be a good thing.
Top Three Reasons to Be Happy I’m Home
1. …
The thought stops there. I’m not sure if it’s because I can’t think of a single reason, or if it’s because I’ve outgrown my lists. Maybe those reasons are one and the same. I bury my consternation with small talk. “The sauce is amazing tonight.” …
“Super good. The owner has started a gourmet cooking club. My parents joined.”
“That sounds like fun.”
“Hmm-mmm,” he says over a mouthful of pasta.
“I was thinking about taking cooking classes myself,” I say. “It would be a good skill to have. For parties and stuff.”
“You could always hire a caterer,” Andrew says, while stabbing a kalamata olive that’s rolling around his plate.
I narrow my eyes at him. He doesn’t get it. He keeps right on talking.
“We’ll be too busy with school, then jobs, for you to worry about stuff like that. Plus, I don’t think caterers are that expensive.” He catches the olive and pops it in his mouth.
“I suppose you’re right,” I say, not wanting to pick a fight tonight. “I just thought it sounded fun.”
Andrew nods, then sets his fork down and clears his throat. “So.”
“So.”
“We need to talk about us. And where we’re at.”
A rush of heat floods my chest, and my heart beats hard against my throat. I take a gulp of my ice water, and my hand shakes as I set the glass down. I’m not ready for this. But I need to be ready. We’re here. At our place. This is where I need to be. This is what I need to be doing. This is right. This is me. This is us. It’s hard, but I force myself to settle in.
Andrew clears his throat again and says, “A couple things. First and foremost, we should talk about salvaging your résumé. I’ve done some finagling, and Professor Schumacher is going to let you do an independent study this fall to make up for the internship.”
“Independent study?” I thought we were going to talk about us.
“Right. He’s set it up so you can work with an auditor to review a local company’s second-quarter financials.”
“Oh, yeah?” I swear the blood is draining from my head. I wonder if Andrew can see it, too, but he’s not stopping.
“It will be tough with a full course load, but I know you can do it, and it’ll keep you on track for when we apply to Stanford.”
“Stanford?” It comes out as a squeak. He hasn’t heard me at all.
“Law school. It’s one of the best, and Dad’s got some connections.”
The blood in my arms trickles cold through my biceps and down to my fingers. Stanford sounds expensive. And very far away. Very far from Little Bear.