“I tried to teach you whatever I could. Not that I had much to teach, kiddo. I wasn’t all that wise myself, you know.” She brushed the hair from her face and she looked so defeated.
“But you were! You taught me to be who I am. I’m strong, I’m happy, I try my best. Always. Like you taught me.”
“But I wasn’t honest! I didn’t teach you that.” She was still pale. Still sad. “We shouldn’t have had any secrets, Katie. Secrets always come out, they always rot people from the inside out. Secrets tear families apart, cause rifts that never heal, and that might happen here, and it’s all my own fault. It’s what I deserve. It was always a ticking bomb, waiting to go off one day. I just got complacent. It felt safe after all this time.”
Secrets.
Sometimes they’re so much easier to keep that way.
“What now?” Mum said. “What happens now?”
I shrugged. “I think. I think some more.” I sighed. “I dunno, Mum. I’ll work it out.”
“I’m so sorry, Katie. Maybe you can build bridges… maybe it’s not too late.”
“I’m in shock, Mum, but I still think he’s a wanker. This doesn’t change anything. He still treated you like shit. His kids were still vile to me. He still made me feel like a nobody on his posh, fancy property.”
“Don’t hate him, sweetheart. He’s not a bad man, not really. He’s never been a bad man, life is just… complicated sometimes. Things don’t go to plan, things don’t turn out as you expect, or as you want… Things aren’t simple. People aren’t simple.”
I cleared my throat. “Secrets,” I said. “So many secrets.”
She nodded. “Too many. Far too many. No more, though, I promise. No more. I’m through with secrets. I’m through with hiding, being afraid of the truth. It’s always better to know, even if it’s difficult. Even if telling the truth makes you scared.”
I looked out of the window, at the bulk of the Range through the drapes, and my heart suddenly started thumping.
The words just came out.
“Talking of secrets,” I said. “It’s time I told you one of my own.”
I kept an eye on their living room window, even though I could barely make anything out through the blinds. My palms were sweaty and my throat was dry, and I was scared my revelation had done more harm than good. And yet, I couldn’t argue with my gut, with that unyielding part of me that insists on speaking the truth, on telling it like it is, damn the consequences.
Damn my big fucking mouth.
I closed my eyes as I called Rick, preparing to face the music. His voice was breezy, blissfully cheerful, until I told him what I’d done.
A long sigh, and I could picture him shaking his head, pacing, cursing my name under his breath. “Mr fucking Big Mouth strikes again. Jesus, Carl.”
“She needed to know. It wasn’t fair, not on anyone. Not on her.”
“I fucking hope she sees it that way.”
I rested my head back against the seat. “So do I.”
“What now, hmm? What’s your grand master plan?”
I shrugged, even though he couldn’t see me. “I wait, I bring her home, I listen. We listen. She decides how she wants to handle the situation from here on in.”
“You make it sound so simple.” He sighed. “Let’s just hope you haven’t messed things up for her. She was happy, Carl. I’m not so sure she’s gonna appreciate your good intentions, not in the short term.”
“She will,” I said, and I was sure. “Katie’s strong, she’s grounded. She’s got her head screwed on tight.” I glanced back at the window, still no movement. “She can handle this, Rick, I know she can.”
“You haven’t given her much choice.” He groaned. “Just tread gently, will you? No more grand revelations, my nerves can’t fucking take it.”
“My cards are all already on the table,” I said. “There’s nothing left to reveal. I’m all done.”
“Thank fuck for that.” I heard him light up a cigarette. “Do you want me to head over?”
“No need,” I said. “No point us both sitting out here. I caused the mess.”
“Just bring our pretty lady home when she’s ready. We’ll clean it up together, all three of us.”
“I will.”
“Take care of her, yeah? And make sure you take care of you, too.”
“Alright, Mother.” I took a breath, and made myself say another truth. One that never usually comes so easily. “I love you, Rick.”