“Swapping tips with her really doesn’t interest me. I don’t need her tips, and she sure as fuck won’t want mine.”
“Don’t be so sure on that,” I said. “She’s a dedicated learner. I’m certain she’d appreciate your guidance.” I looked at her. “After all, you are top of the leaderboard, Katie, you have nothing to prove and everything to give.”
“I have everything to prove.” Her voice was edgy and raw. “Everything.”
Her tone made me pull the car over. I indicated into a shopping arcade, parked up in one of the empty spaces.
“What?” she said. “Why are we stopping?”
“We’re stopping because I want to say something. Because it’s important.” I turned to face her. “You have nobody doubting you, nobody trying to knock you down, or see you fail. The only person you have to prove anything to is you, Katie.”
She shook her head, scoffed at me. “Me, right. Sure. And Verity, and David sperm-donor Faverley and their whole fucking family, Carl.”
“Why so?”
“Because they expect me to fail,” she said. “They want me to fail. That’s why I’m even in this internship programme.” I raised my eyebrows, but she shook her head. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s true. Not for you, who wants the best for everyone, but for them. For them it’s all a stupid game. One silly gold envelope and an awkward hug doesn’t change the facts, Carl. He’s laughing at me, I’m a set up to prove she’s better than me. Just like always.”
“That really isn’t true, Katie.”
“That’s why my idiot father wants me here, just so Verity does better. Just like she always does better. So I can be the useless crappy sister again, and she can take all the glory. But not this time.” She smiled. “This time I’m coming out on top. Fuck them all.” She folded her arms. “I’m good at this shit, I know I’m good at this shit. Verity can fuck off if she thinks she’s going to be better than me at this shit.”
“She doesn’t,” I said. “She’s said nothing of the kind.”
She shook her head again. “She wouldn’t, would she? Not to you.”
“Has she said anything of the kind to anyone else? Anything you’ve heard?”
She shrugged. “I don’t need to hear anything. I know her.”
I squeezed her knee. “Sometimes people can surprise you, Katie. Maybe Verity is one of those people.”
“Nice try,” she said, and put her hand on mine. “I appreciate the sentiment, and the psycho-analysis, but those people are toxic, and I’m going to come out on top, just because I can. Just because this time, in this arena, I’m better than she is.”
“This will eat you up.” I looked at her but she wouldn’t look back. “Believe me, Katie, it’ll eat you up. Do this for you, not for other people, not to prove a point. Nobody is waiting for you to fail, there is no ulterior motive here, not for anyone.”
“Not for you, Carl, not for you.”
I sighed. “That first week on the phone, when you got your gold envelope, I found Verity sobbing her heart out in the stationery cupboard.”
“Good,” she said. “That’ll be a first. I had enough years of being the one crying, she can have it fucking back.”
I shook my head. “You know me, Katie, I’m going to just put this out there, what I think.”
“Mr Direct, yes, I know. Shoot.” She met my eyes. “Go on, tell me. What is it you think?” She sighed, softened her voice. “Go on, Carl. I’m listening.”
I squeezed her knee that little bit tighter. “I think it’s a two way street. I think she felt as rotten as you, feels as rotten as you did, as insecure as you, as inferior as she made you feel. I think she was lashing out, because underneath it all, Katie, underneath all her bullying and her bluster and the I’ve got more horses than you have bullshit, underneath everything you wanted and everything you tried and all the times you said you didn’t want to know your father and his posh snooty family, I think there were two very scared little girls who just wanted to feel loved by their dad. Who just wanted to feel good enough.”
She didn’t say a word. Didn’t even breathe.
“Am I right?”
She shook her head and there were tears there.
“Talk to me,” I said. “Katie, I’m right here. You can talk to me, I get it. I get all of it.” I willed her to let me reach her. “I know