punish you physically to go with all those mental gymnastics you’re going through right now?”
How could he see through her? His questions made her feel far more vulnerable than being nearly naked and laid out for him.
She let her hands tighten around the bench she held onto as Hutch smacked her again. Somehow the spanking reminded her that she wasn’t weak. She was strong. Her body would hold.
Was she still punishing herself for that, too? For the accident she’d had no control over?
Her body was strong. Even when it ached and needed support. It was strong enough to do what she needed it to do, and she’d learned that sometimes what she needed wasn’t what others did.
Other people made mistakes. Did that mean they didn’t deserve forgiveness?
Didn’t she deserve it?
He slapped her ass until she could feel tears dripping from her eyes and the ice starting to really crack. The physical sensations of pain and arousal was starting to break through her reserve.
“You can be angry with me. You can hate me, Noelle, but this was not your fault.”
“I can’t…” She started to speak but it was hard to breathe between the emotion welling inside her and her body pulsing with feeling. She was starting to lose control.
“You can. You can put it all on me. I lied to you. She lied to you. She promised you the world and never meant a word of it,” Hutch said gravely. “I promised I would take care of you and I didn’t.”
But he had. He was trying so hard even now.
He was giving himself up to save her from the pain of knowing she’d made this mistake.
Her body ached, but nothing like her soul did. “I can’t…”
“You can,” he insisted. “You can do anything, Noelle. Anything. This will not break you. I won’t break you.”
But he did. He broke her in the best way. Noelle let that wall finally come down, the one that kept her safe from all this emotion, the one that kept her away from him. Her wall came down because he was safety and love and risk, and that was okay. He was the one she could risk all the heartache on, the one she could share her pain with, the one who would never leave her alone.
He hadn’t truly left her alone today. When he’d let her be arrested, he’d still been choosing her. The truth hit her squarely. He’d chosen her future over momentary discomfort. He’d believed she was strong enough to handle herself, and he’d made the call he’d been trained to make.
“I can’t hate you.” She finally got the words she needed to say out. “I can never hate you. I love you.”
The wall came totally down and she sobbed. The events of the day—of the last several years—poured out of her. She’d made a terrible mistake, but she wasn’t alone. She had a family who would forgive her, who wouldn’t even think twice. They would open their arms and welcome her.
Hutch picked her up and carried her to the bed, and when she looked into his gorgeous eyes, they were shining with tears because he wouldn’t hold back from her. He was strong enough to break, too. He’d put himself back together again and again.
“I love you, too,” he said. “God, I love you so much.”
She held on to him as the storm flowed through her. She’d tried to hold it back, but now she realized how much she needed this. How much had she held back because she’d had to prove to everyone that she was strong? She might not have cried like this since that first time her stepmom had pushed her until she’d believed she might walk again.
She could rebuild her wall and hide behind all the reasons she couldn’t trust this feeling—they hadn’t known each other long enough, their relationship was forged under pressure—or she could let her heart take over and accept that this man was everything she’d longed for.
She cried, letting the pain go. She’d been stupid, but she’d had the best of intentions. He should have told her what he was going to do, but he’d had the best of intentions.
She could let go of the pain, but she didn’t have to let go of him.
“Baby, I have to get these off you.” He smoothed back her hair and kissed her forehead.
She’d almost forgotten about the clamps. She sniffled and wiped at her eyes. She probably looked terrible, but Hutch was staring at her like she