I could imagine marrying.” He paused. “Until now.”
Lydia pressed a hand to her chest. Her heart thumped wildly against her palm like a leaf whipped by a strong wind. She tried to speak, but her voice tangled around the words and stifled them.
“I believe we are well suited for each other,” Alexander said. “I find you interesting, if somewhat baffling, and your family maintains a respectable status. We are… ah, physically matched, if recent events are any indication.”
He cleared his throat and tightened his hands on the railing. Lydia realized with a start that he was more than uncertain. Alexander Hall, Viscount Northwood, was actually nervous.
“My—,” she began.
“There is, of course, the issue that your consent might give rise to renewed gossip surrounding your mother,” Alexander continued. “Though it is of little consequence to me, I do not wish for possible rumors to cause you or your family further distress.”
A sheen of unexpected tears stung Lydia’s eyes.
“However, I can promise you that marriage to me would not be disagreeable,” Alexander said. He paced away from her a few steps, heading toward the door, then circled around back to her. “You will be free to pursue your interests, to continue your work in mathematics.”
“I’m sorry, I—”
“You may run the household as you like,” he continued. “I pledge my fidelity. I do wish to travel again, though I would welcome your company should you—”
“Stop.” Lydia held up her hand, the tears spilling over. Her breath hitched, her chest tightening to the point of pain. “Please, please, stop.”
He looked at her, the uncertainty in his expression evaporating into concern. “Surely it’s not that horrid a thought.”
“No. It’s not that…. I’m sorry.” Lydia pressed her hands against her eyes. Her heart swam beneath a surfeit of emotions that she couldn’t even begin to comprehend. “I’m so terribly sorry.”
His warm fingers curled around her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face. “Sorry about what?”
“I can’t marry you.” Lydia swiped at her eyes, regret and outright fear slicing through her. A sob rose to flood her throat, and her knees began to buckle.
Alexander caught her before she could fall. His breath heated the side of her neck. The warmth of his body spread through her. His heart beat heavy and strong against her. His arms were like taut, secure ropes preventing her from sinking beneath a wave-lashed surface of darkness.
Lydia pulled in a breath, her emotions twisting, her mind wrestling for an equation, a theorem, a proof—but she could seize nothing, not even a simple sum. The sheer and complete feeling of Alexander overpowered coherent thought, and she lost all ability to anchor herself with numbers.
She took another breath and placed her hands on Alexander’s arms, urging him to release her. He did, though not without reluctance, his palms sliding flat against her midriff.
Lydia stepped from the circle of his arms.
He was cold suddenly without the warmth of her body against his. Alexander fisted his hands as he watched Lydia pace away from him.
“Lord Northwood, I wish to… to apologize…” Her voice wavered, her hand coming up to coil a stray lock of hair around her fingers. “I can offer you no detailed explanation, but—”
A look of defeat overcame her, her rigid shoulders slumping, her eyes brimming with tears.
Alexander fought the urge to enfold her in his arms again but allowed his tone to soften. “You’ve no need to apologize. Believe me, I’m not worth this much distress.”
Lydia managed a faint smile through her tears. She wiped her eyes and looked up at him. “You must understand. I cannot marry you because I will never marry anyone. Ever. But please know that I’m deeply honored by the offer.”
“You’ve an odd way of showing it, Miss Kellaway.”
Lydia gave a watery laugh. “Oddness appears to be my modus operandi, Lord Northwood.”
He moved forward, lifting a hand to brush it over her hair in a gesture that first made her flinch before she stilled and let him touch her. He smoothed a few tendrils of hair from her forehead, then lowered his hand.
Her smile faded. “I owe you more of an explanation—I know that—but there isn’t much else I can tell you.”
“I cannot believe that.”
“I’m sorry.”
The air between them thickened. She pulled back. He gripped her shoulders.
She stared at him, those blue eyes searing through him like a slice of the sky. He put his hand on the back of her head and pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers in a kiss that made them