“What about your father? Don’t you think marriage to me will make him even more of a recluse? And Lady Talia? She’s had a difficult enough time as it is, hasn’t she? What will happen when people learn her brother married a woman who has an illegitimate child?”
“We don’t have to announce it, for God’s sake.”
“So we marry and keep it a secret? What about Jane? Would she live with us as my sister still? And what happens if we’re unable to prevent the truth from getting out?”
“No one else needs to know the truth.”
“You would take that risk, keep that kind of secret, while knowing the truth could ruin you and destroy your family?” She stepped forward, her blue eyes hardening. “Didn’t your mother keep a secret, Alexander?”
Anger coursed through him, sudden and swift. “My mother has nothing to do with this.”
“But her secret is what caused your family’s disgrace. Do you truly want to live like that?”
Old, hard feelings battered Alexander, culminating in a helplessness that caught him in a tight vise. His chest ached with it.
“I will fix this, Lydia.” His eyes stung as he willed her to believe him.
She continued as if he hadn’t spoken.
“And do you honestly think I would put your family, put you, in that kind of position? Subject you to such risk?” She stepped closer and put her cool hand against his cheek. Her blue eyes, filled with emotions he could not identify, searched his face. “This is why I refused your marriage proposal, Alexander. And I’m beyond grateful that we can finally be honest with each other, but that doesn’t change my decision. I cannot marry you.”
Her hand slipped away from him. Tears filled her eyes, making them look like the fathomless depths of the ocean.
“What do I want for me?” she asked. “I want a quiet life, like the one I…” She looked away.
“What?” Alexander demanded.
“Like the one I had before I met you.” Her voice was so low he had to strain to hear her.
Alexander’s fists clenched so hard his knuckles hurt. She was trying to hurt him, to drive him away. He knew that, and yet her words still hit him like rocks. “That life is gone, Lydia.”
She swiped at her tears. “N-not for me.”
“Really? Jane knows you’re her mother now. Hasn’t that changed everything for you?”
She flinched. Glad to see evidence of her disconcertion, Alexander backed to the door. He pointed a finger at her.
“The only life you can have now, Lydia—the only life we can both have—is the one we make for ourselves.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
The great room of the Society of Arts building in the Adelphi bustled with people and voices. The Society council members and all union representatives had attended—whether out of curiosity or a sense of duty, Alexander couldn’t say. Three police inspectors sat on the other side of the aisle.
Alexander sat beside Sebastian and Rushton in the front row. The council members presided over the meeting from a dais at the front of the room. Frowns creased their faces as they spoke to each other, consulted papers, glanced at Alexander.
“You ought to have shaved, at least,” Sebastian remarked, his voice low in the din. He rubbed his hand across his own jaw. “I did.”
“Bastian’s right.” Rushton looked at them both from the corner of his eye. “You look like a vagrant, North.”
Although he didn’t care, Alexander dragged a hand through his hair in an attempt to smooth it down. He’d hardly slept for the past five nights as he struggled to find a way to convince Lydia to give him a chance. But no matter how many ways he tried to find a solution, he knew she would not concede. Even if she wanted to.
He cursed beneath his breath and tried to focus on the council members as Lord Hadley stood from behind the long table.
“Order, everyone! I call the meeting to order.”
Hadley waved his arms to indicate everyone should be seated. As the commotion waned, he cleared his throat. “As you all know, we have convened this meeting in order to address the issue of the educational exhibition as presided over by Lord Northwood. We have been aware for some time that his close ties with the Russian Empire, as well as his trading company, were perhaps at odds with the stated goals of the exhibition, namely to promote the supremacy of the British educational system and British industry and to continue to foster free trade with France.”