him. “You need some coffee before you head to Brooklyn.”
Inside, when I put out my hand to turn on the light, he stopped me. We stood in the dark hall, just breathing for a moment.
“Can we be together tonight?” Billy asked. “Billy, I don’t know…”
“I won’t… push for anything. But can we just… sleep in the same bed? We don’t have to do anything. I want to be near you. I don’t want to be alone. Can I stay?”
Tomorrow morning I had planned to call Daisy and see if her horrific roommate was moving out to get married. I’d have to confess that I’d missed my callback, risk looking like a lightweight, but it would be worth it if I could have a place to stay, even if I had to sleep on a couch again. Tomorrow I would take the first step to being free.
But tonight Billy looked so beaten down, so full of anger and sadness. It could be our last chance to be alone.
“Yes. Of course.”
I made hot chocolate and we listened to the radio, turned down low, Billy in his trousers and T-shirt, me in my robe and slippers, like nothing was wrong at all. When our cups were empty, I put them in the sink and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I opened a new toothbrush for him and left it on the sink. Then I went to bed, took off my robe, and slipped under the covers. The sheets were cold and I curved into myself, hands between my knees, and waited. I closed my eyes when I heard him leave the bathroom. He switched off the light and got under the covers. He lay on his back, and I could feel the tension in his body without even touching him.
I moved closer and he shuddered as I tucked myself underneath his arm. Slowly, warmth crept in. He moved until he was circling me. He was wrapped around me now. My ear was pressed against his heart. Every inch of me was against every inch of him. Even our bare feet were touching.
I wondered what would happen, what he would do, and how this moment that we’d waited for would move into another moment of closeness, and another. His lips brushed my hair.
“Good night, sweetheart,” he said. The endearment was lovely and soft. “Good night.”
“I think I can sleep,” he murmured. “I think I can finally sleep.”
I closed my eyes and saw the blackness of the blood in the newspaper photograph. The stain spread on the floor. The man’s outflung hand and the thin beam of light.
That night I held Billy while he twitched and moaned, deep in his dreams. I slipped in and out of sleep, as Billy thrashed in his sleep. Everywhere I moved on the mattress, he would move, too, following me even though he was dreaming. I’d thought that sleeping with Billy would be the most peaceful way to rest, but it was as though we had taken all the darkness into the bed with us and were each trying to make it through to morning.
When I woke, he was still sleeping. The sun made a stripe along the bed and just brushed his cheekbone. I looked down at him. The army haircut made his features look sharper. The perfection of the way his nostrils curved and his lips met made me believe in God more than church did.
He woke slowly, stretching first, then opening his eyes. When he saw me so close, leaning on my elbow looking at him, he looked startled, and he came awake immediately.
Then he smiled. “Wait until I tell the guys I slept next to a beautiful girl and all I did was sleep. I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Breakfast. I’m starving, aren’t you? I have eggs, I have bread, I have jam, everything.” I slipped out of bed and quickly put on my robe, knotting it tightly. “Can you get the milk?”
“Sure.” He smiled lazily at me, making no move to get up. “Hey, this is what I want to wake up to every morning.”
“Get up, lazybones. We need to talk about Thanksgiving. If you’re going home, if I am… we can take the train together. We can tell our parents what we’re doing.”
“What are we doing?”
“If you’ll get the milk, I’ll tell you.”
Suddenly, I knew. I knew it absolutely, and I knew it was right. I couldn’t let Billy ship out and not be his wife. I would tell